The Italian Job (2003)

IN THE DARK/Jonathan Richards

THE ITALIAN JOB

Directed by F. Gary Gray

Rated PG-13  110 minutes

"The Italian Job" will start a run on two things: the MINI Cooper, a nifty little British car from the '60s that's back thanks to BMW; and the DVD of the 1969 original of this movie, with Michael Caine and Noel Coward. Only one of the stars of the original repeats his role, and that's the MINI Cooper.

"The Italian Job" is a caper movie. A motley crew of geniuses, each with a specialty, is assembled for a big heist. They are brought together by John Bridger (Donald Sutherland), a semi-retired safecracker. If you are wondering why Sutherland doesn't get bigger billing, you have only to listen to his opening conversation with his daughter Stella (Charlize Theron): "Daddy, I thought you said you weren't going to do any more jobs!" "Just this last one, darling." Sutherland is such a charming actor that those words, which in movietalk are the equivalent of putting a gun to the head, are unwelcome indeed.

Fortunately for the plot, less so for the movie, Bridger has turned his criminal operation over to a new mastermind, Charlie Croker (Mark Wahlberg), who is like a son to him. The rest of the gang includes computer genius Lyle (Seth Green, in Benny Hill's old part), explosives genius Left Ear (Mos Def), driving genius Handsome Rob (Jason Statham), and genius-of-all-trades Steve Frezelli (Edward Norton). An early tip-off that Steve may not be on the up-and-up is when he rudely reminds Bridger that he's not in charge any more. But they hang together to pull off the heist, a haul of $35 million in gold bars (there's inflation for you - in '69 it was $4 million) from a mafia palazzo in Venice. That scene, climaxed by a speedboat chase through the canals, does it for the Italian portion of the story.

From here on out it's the Los Angeles Job. Slimy Steve, not content with his share, heists the heist from his companions, leaves one of them dead (guess) and the others presumed so, plunged in the icy waters of an Alpine lake. It takes a while, but they dry off, warm up, and track him down to a well-guarded mansion in LA; where, it having been established that he is a man of no imagination, he has filled the place with all the things the others said they would buy with their share of the loot. Charlie and his guys want the gold, and revenge on Steve. They're joined by Stella who, despite her complaint that she never really got to know her father, has inherited the safecracking gene (which until now she has only used for Good.)

Bad writing is the bête noir of this flashy but soulless remake. Sutherland has to say a few things that even he can't pull off. One of them is "Trust everyone, just don't trust the devil inside them," a phrase so awkward that there has to be an ulterior motive for having it in the script, and there is. He also says "There are two kinds of thieves: the kind that steal to enrich their lives, and the kind that steal to define their lives." An early death may have been his most agreeable option in this movie. Stella also inherits her father's dialogue curse: "You know what I'm thinking about right now?" she chortles as they grab the gold. "The look on Steve's face!"

The romantic leads are so uncompelling that the romance remains comatose until an offhand postscript at the closing credits. Wahlberg is likeable, but with a sexless blandness that recalls Dana Andrews. Theron has plenty of sex appeal, but the jury that has been out on her acting chops remains sequestered. There is one scene where Charlie and Stella get together on a bed in a hotel room, but even they seem to understand that there's nothing happening, and the sexual climax of the moment is a pat on the back.

In a movie like this it's not important that the characters be believable, just that they be entertaining. There's some good stuff from the secondary characters, particularly Seth Green as the computer whiz who wants to be called "Napster", because the others all have colorful criminal nicknames and he claims his college roommate stole the Napster idea from him while he was taking a nap. Statham and Def add nice if one-dimensional color, and Olek Krupa is memorable as a Russian Mafia enforcer. Norton delivers as always in the villain role, although his enthusiasm level may be down -- word has it he took this picture reluctantly because of an obligation to Paramount.

The only real career advance to come out of "The Italian Job" will be for the MINI Coopers. As in the original, they come in red, white, and blue, although the patriotic scheme was more pointed back then. Stella has one she maneuvers through the streets of Philadelphia with such reckless and unchallenged abandon that you figure she must have a "MAJOR DONOR TO THE PBA" sticker on the rear bumper. But the MINI's ability to squiggle through gridlock, along with Napster's ability to rig the traffic lights of a major city, are the choice ingredients for the set piece that caps the action. It's exciting, lively stuff, but by this time you may not care.

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