Other Titles • Confessions of a Dangerous Mind • Confessions d'un homme dangereux (2003) • Geständnisse - Confessions of a Dangerous Mind (2003)
Quotes from Confessions of a Dangerous Mind (2002)
1
[last lines] Chuck Barris: I came up with a new game-show idea recently. It's called The Old Game. You got three old guys with loaded guns onstage. They look back at their lives, see who they were, what they accomplished, how close they came to realizing their dreams. The winner is the one who doesn't blow his brains out. He gets a refrigerator.
(18 votes)
2
Chuck Barris: Go back to Scotland! Get yourself some Guinness, some Lucky Charms.
(15 votes)
3
Patricia: Insane asylums are filled with people who think they're Jesus or Satan. Very few have delusions of being a guy down the block who works for an insurance company.
(15 votes)
4
Patricia: You're kind of cute... in a homely sort of way.
(15 votes)
5
Jim Byrd: You're 32 years old, and you've achieved nothing. Jesus Christ was dead and alive again by 33. You better get crackin'.
(15 votes)
6
Chuck (Age 8): Hey Tuvia, you want to lick it? Tuvia (Age 8): No, why would I want to do that? Chuck (Age 8): It tastes like strawberries, my sister says you love strawberries. Tuvia (Age 8): No it doesn't. Besides I don't like strawberries. Chuck (Age 8): I bet you a dollar it does.
7
Jim Byrd: Think of it as a hobby. Something you do to relax. You're an "assassination enthusiast."
8
Chuck Barris: When you're in a relationship it means you are obligated to give a shit.
9
Chuck Barris: Life was sweet... For a minute.
10
Chuck Barris: Hi folks. Before we begin taping today, I'd like to introduce you to Mr. Peter Jenks of the Federal Communications Commission. Okay? Peter Jenks: I don't know if any of you are aware of this, but it's a federal offense to make lascivious remarks on a television network broadcast. The penalty for this disgusting, un-American behavior is one year in prison, or a ten thousand dollar fine. Or both! Anyone making a sick or subversive remark tonight will be arrested immediately. I then will personally escort the offender to federal prison for booking under edict number 364 of the Broadcasting Act of 1963. And it's a long drive to that prison, baby, just you and me. No witnesses. Chuck Barris: Okay have fun everybody... alright...
11
Chuck Barris: I'm not killing people... my future's in television.
12
Instructor Jenks: There are several efficient methods for killing a man were you to find yourself without a weapon. The edge of your hand, against your adversary's Adam's apple. This will crush his windpipe, causing strangulation and death. [demonstrates on a volunteer, then realizes what he's done] Instructor Jenks: Shit! I need another volunteer!
13
[after Byrd tells Chuck to kill the unknown "mole"] Chuck Barris: Hey, I got an idea. If you aren't so bad... why don't you do it? Why don't you kill the mole? You got a problem with killing, Jim? Jim Byrd: I just don't fit the profile. Chuck Barris: What fucking profile? There is no fucking profile. Jim Byrd: Okay, there's no profile. Chuck Barris: There's no profile. Jim Byrd: Okay.
14
[first lines] Dick Clark: I wouldn't want to live his life because he hasn't been happy all of his life. All I think is if you can find work, stay healthy, find somebody to share it with, you're the ultimate success. He's had some of the pieces of the puzzle, but not all of them.
15
Patricia: Very good Chuck. I am pleasantly surprised, you're not like the other murderers.
16
Keeler: Killing my first man was like making love to my first woman.
17
Chuck Barris: [hands over an envelope, presumably with money] Don't worry, we're not gonna cheat you Unseen man in dark alley: Oh just the same Chuck Barris: [shoots the unseen man] Oh, sorry 'bout your teeth [shoots him again]
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