Lee: You are a civilian. In Hong Kong, *I* am Michael Jackson and *you* are Toto. James Carter: You mean Tito! Toto is what we ate for dinner last night!
(17 votes)
2
James Carter: Who died, Lee? Lee: You! James Carter: Detective Yu? Lee: Not Yu, you! James Carter: Who? Lee: You! James Carter: Who? Lee: Do you understand the words that are a-coming out of my mouth? James Carter: Don't nobody understand the words that are comin' out of your mouth.
(17 votes)
3
[During a fight scene with a bunch of Chinese men] James Carter: [after accidentally punching Lee] Sorry, man! Lee: Carter! James Carter: All y'all's look alike!
(17 votes)
4
James Carter: Lee, let me introduce you to Carter's new theory of criminal investigation: follow the rich white man.
(17 votes)
5
James Carter: [In a casino] I have a dream! That one day, white people, and black people... and Chinese people, can gamble together with the same number of chips!
(16 votes)
6
James Carter: Couldn't help noticin' how she was staring at a brother. Lee: She never even looked at you. James Carter: You just jealous, Lee, 'cause women like me. I'm tall, dark and hansome and you third world ugly. Lee: I am not third world ugly, women think I'm cute. Like Snoopy. James Carter: Man, Snoopy is 6 inches taller than you.
7
[Carter throws Lee's CD out the window] Lee: That's my CD! Don't you ever touch a Chinese man's CD!
8
James Carter: You know, we could have been a good couple. We could have had something special. But you one crazy-ass bitch!
9
James Carter: I can't believe I flew 10,000 miles for this shit!
10
Lee: I will bitch-slap you back to Africa.
11
[after Isabella kisses Lee] James Carter: I saw that. You played it smooth too, walkin' away like that. Lee: Yeah, I'm a player.
12
[Carter tried to pick up two girls in Chinese] James Carter: All I did was invite them to have a drink. Lee: You invited them to get naked and sacrifice a small goat. James Carter: Which word was 'goat'?
13
James Carter: [Snatching away a Chinese gangster's towel and looking at him naked] No wonder you mad!
14
Ricky Tan: I hate that fortune cookie shit.
15
James Carter: All right, listen up! All the Triads and the ugly women on this side, and all the fine women on this side, right now!
16
James Carter: Secret Service Agent James Carter, I like the sound of it. Won't be long before I'm in Washington D.C. protectin' the President. Lee: We both know you wouldn't take a bullet for someone else. James Carter: Yeah but they don't know that.
17
James Carter: Just tell me how the Triads gonna kill us. Lee: They will torture us for three days. James Carter: Okay, I can handle that. Lee: Then they will cut off our eggrolls. James Carter: Cut off our eggrolls? Oh hell no! We gotta get out of here! Don't give up!
18
James Carter: Why didn't you tell me you had a bomb in your mouth?
19
James Carter: Why didn't you tell me you had a bomb in your mouth? Lee: I did. James Carter: No you did not! Lee: I said "mmm!" James Carter: What the hell is "mmm!" Lee: mmmboom!
20
Lee: All he wanted was some Mushu.
21
Lee: Just try to blend in. James Carter: What do you mean, "blend in"? I'm two feet taller than everybody in here!
22
[Carter attempted to speak Chinese to everybody but had no idea what he said] James Carter: What did I just say? Lee: You told everyone to take out their Samurai swords and shave your butt.
23
Lee: That's Ricky Tan. James Carter: That's Ricky Tan? Man, that's a midget in a bathrobe!
24
Lee: Just follow my lead. Act like a tourist. James Carter: I am a tourist, fool!
25
Lee: Stop, I'm sick of your bullshit. James Carter: I'm sick of you! I'm not the one running up in Karaoke bars full of gangsters. And I'm not the one running up in massage parlors looking for crime lords.
26
James Carter: [to Lee at a massage parlor] Lee, you never step in front of a black man at a buffet line.
27
James Carter: [In a casino] My people did not go through 362 years of slavery just so you could send us back to the cotton fields with $500 chips!
28
Lee: I'm sorry. James Carter: You sorry? I've got some old man's chopsticks stuck up my ass and all you can say is sorry?
29
James Carter: I fell off a building, I got beat on, and ran through Hong Kong butt naked. I'm outta here!
30
Lee: Carter, you don't understand. James Carter: Oh I understand, man. I got knocked off a building, I got beat on, I got stripped butt-naked and you held out on me. I'm outta here.
31
[about to fight Hu Li] James Carter: I'm gonna pretend you a man. A very beautiful man with a great body that I'd like to take to the movies.
32
Lee: These men are Triads. The most deadly gang in China. James Carter: You think they scare me? I'm from Los Angeles, man. We invented gangs!
33
James Carter: I'm tall, dark and handsome, and you're third world ugly.
34
James Carter: I don't like my chickens alive, I like 'em dead and deep fried. You ever heard of Popeye's?
35
James Carter: When the shootin’ started, he was way too cool. And normally when there's shootin’ white people aren't that cool, man. They either run around in circles, or screaming out 'Aaaaagh!'
36
James Carter: No, I'm Lee's new muscle. And don't let this robe fool you, this is the only color they had left.
37
James Carter: If you ain't gonna shoot him Kung-Fu his ass or somethin'.
38
Massage Parlor Hostess: You ever have massage by Chinese girl before? James Carter: No, but I heard it was the bomb.
39
James Carter: Now why did you say it was a bomb. Lee: You said it was a bomb! James Carter: I did not. Lee: In the hotel, you said it was a bomb. James Carter: I said 'she was the bomb'. Lee: She was the bomb?
40
[In Cantonese] Lee: Where did you learn that? Kenny: Master Ching. Lee: Master Ching of Hong Kong? Kenny: No, Freddy Ching on Crenshaw. Lee: They're brothers.
41
Kenny: What do you mean comin' up in my place and embarrassin' me in front of my wife, my child and my friends. James Carter: You embarassin' yourself, man, you're a black man with a Chinese restaurant on Crenshaw.
42
[In Cantonese] Kenny: [pointing to Carter] Why are you hangin' with 7-11? Lee: 7-11? Kenny: Yeah, his mouth never closes.
43
Lee: I always dreamed of going to Madison Square Gardens, see the Knicks play. James Carter: New York City? Lee: First class. James Carter: The Plaza hotel. Lee: Maybe some mu shu. James Carter: I could use another vacation.
44
Lee: I always dreamed to square martin.
45
James Carter: [Approaching a Chinese soul food restaurant] This is my informer's place. They got some good ribs here too.
46
Lee: If you reach for that gun, I'll kill you. Ricky Tan: Aren't you forgetting? I'm already dead.
47
Isabella: I need your help. Lee: Last time you needed my help, I woke up in a truck.
48
Ricky Tan: You Americans are so funny. James Carter: And you Asians don't hear too well.
49
James Carter: Who put their hand on my butt? Do it again.
50
James Carter: How come you ain't got no black people performing in this casino? We ain't good enough for you? Pit Boss: We got Lionel Ritchie! James Carter: Lionel Ritchie ain't been black since the commodores!
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