Vivian: Nice costume. Elle: You too. Except when I dress up as a frigid bitch, I try not to look so constipated.
(1 vote)
2
Elle: Did you see him? He's probably still scratching his head. Paulette: Yeah, which must be a nice vacation for his balls.
(1 vote)
3
Elle: And last week I saw Cameron Diaz at Fred Segal, and I talked her out of buying this truly heinous angora sweater. Whoever said orange was the new pink was seriously disturbed.
4
Elle: The rules of hair care are simple and finite. Any Cosmo girl would have known.
5
Elle: I just don't think that Brooke could've done this. Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't kill their husbands, they just don't.
6
Elle: Hi. I'm Elle Woods and this is Bruiser Woods. We're both Gemini vegetarians.
7
Boutique Saleswoman: There's nothing I love better than a dumb blonde with Daddy's plastic.
8
Elle: I'm studying the LSAT's Serena: My cousin had that once. Apparently you get a really bad rash on your...
9
Elle: I don't need back-ups. I'm going to Harvard. C.U.L.A. Advisor: Well then, you'll need excellent recommendations from your professors. Elle: Okay. C.U.L.A. Advisor: And a heck of an admissions essay. Elle: Right. C.U.L.A. Advisor: And at least a 175 on your LSATs. Elle: I once had to judge a tighty-whitey contest for Lambda Kappa Pi. Trust me, I can handle anything.
10
Elle's Mother: Honey, you were First Runner-Up at the "Miss Hawaiian Tropics" contest. Why are you going to throw that all away? Elle: Going to Harvard is the only way I'm going to get the love of my life back. Elle's Father: Oh, sweetheart, you don't need law school. Law school is for people who are boring and ugly and serious. And you, button, are none of those things.
11
Brooke: You know a Delta Nu would never sleep with a man who wears a thong. Elle: I know. Brooke: I just liked to watch him change the filter.
12
Warner Huntington III: If I want to be elected Senator by the time I'm 30, I need to marry a Jackie, not a Marilyn.
13
Elle: I feel comfortable using legal jargon in everyday life. [someone whistles at her] Elle: I object.
14
Emmett: I can't believe you just called me a butthead. I don't think anybody has called me a butthead since the 9th grade. Elle: Maybe not to your face.
15
Elle: Excuse me. [turns around and slaps David] Elle: Why didn't you call me? We spent a beautiful night together and I haven't heard from you since. David: [pause] I'm sorry? Elle: Sorry for what? For breaking my heart, or for giving me the greatest pleasure I've ever known and just taking it away? David: Both? Elle: Well, forget it. I've spent too much time crying over you. Girl: [after Elle has walked off] So, when did you wanna go out?
16
Elle: Uh. I'm sorry. I just hallucinated.
17
Elle: Oh Warner, do you remember when we spent those four amazing hours in the hot tub together after winter formal? Warner Huntington III: Uhh, ye... no Elle: Well this is so much better than that. Excuse me, I have some shopping to do.
18
Warner Huntington III: Pooh bear, just get in the car. Elle: No. [starts walking away, sniffling] Warner Huntington III: You're gonna ruin your shoes. Elle: Okay. [gets in car]
19
Professor Callahan: Do you think she woke up one morning and said: I think I'll go to law school today.
20
Warner Huntington III: You got into Harvard Law? Elle: What? Like, it's hard?
21
Paulette: Is she as pretty as you? Elle: She could use some mascara and some serious highlights, but otherwise, she's not completely unfortunate looking.
22
Elle: Because I'm not a Vanderbilt, suddenly I'm white trash? I grew up in Bel Air, Warner. Across the street from Aaron Spelling. I think most people would agree that's a lot better than some stinky old Vanderbilt.
23
Elle: You're breaking up with me because I'm too... blonde.
24
Paulette: So what's a girl to do? He's a guy who followed his pecker to greener pastures. I'm a middle aged, high school drop out with stretch marks and a fat ass.
25
Elle: This is what I need to become. Old Lady at Manicurist: What? Practically deformed? Elle: No, a law student.
26
Enrique Salvatore: Don't stomp your little last season Prada shoes at me, honey. Elle: These aren't last season!
27
Professor Stromwell: If you're going to let one stupid prick ruin your life... you're not the girl I thought you were.
28
Professor Callahan: Let the blood bath begin.
29
Elle: Bend and snap.
30
Maurice: Oh, my God, the bend and snap works every time!
31
[Elle is presiding at her sorority meeting] Elle: It has come to my attention that the maintenance staff is switching our toilet paper from Charmin... to generic. All those opposed to chafing, please say "Aye". Entire Sorority Group: Aye.
32
Warner Huntington III: How was your first class? Elle: Oh, it was okay, except for this horrible preppy girl who tried to make me look bad in front of the professor, but no biggie.
33
Emmett: Did you take Mrs. Windham on a date? Enrique Salvatore: Yes. Emmett: Where? Enrique Salvatore: A restaurant out of town, where no one would recognize us. Emmett: How long have you been sleeping with Brooke? Enrique Salvatore: Three months. Emmett: And your boyfriend's name is... Enrique Salvatore: Chuck. Emmett: Right. [Everyone gasps/laughs] Enrique Salvatore: No, I'm sorry. I thought you said friend; Chuck is just a friend. Chuck: YOU BITCH.
34
Elle: All people see when they look at me is blonde hair and big boobs.
35
Elle: [to Emmett] So, if you don't know an answer they're just gonna kick you out. Emmett: So you have Stromwell, huh? Elle: Yes. Did she do that to you too? Emmett: No, but she did make me cry once... not in class I waited until I got back to my room, but yeah she'll kick you right in the balls, or wherever.
36
Elle: Don't ask. Emmett: Wasn't gonna.
37
Margot: Here, you're gonna need this. Elle: Your scrunchie? Margot: My LUCKY scrunchie. It helped me pass Spanish. Serena: You passed Spanish because you gave Professor Montoya a lap dance after the final. Margot: Yeah... Luckily!
38
[sees Elle in her Bunny costume] Warner Huntington III: Hey well don't you look like a walking felony. Elle: Thanks, you're so sweet.
39
Elle: Warner, what kind of shoes are these? Warner Huntington III: Umm... black ones.
40
Serena: Oh, look, there's Elle! Margot: Elle, we came to see your trial and look! There's like a judge and everything! Serena: VOTE FOR ELLE! The Honorable Marina R. Bickford: Ladies, take a seat!
41
Paulette: So What does this Vivian got that you don't got, three tits?
42
Paulette: [Elle is in tears at the salon after she finds out Warner dumped her for her new rival, Vivian] So what's this Vivian got that you haven't? Three tits?
43
Elle: Curls weren't a good look for her. She didn't have your bone structure.
44
Elle: That's great, Paulette.. is that *all* the interaction you two have had? Paulette: No! Sometimes I say “okay” instead of “fine”.
45
Warner Huntington III: Excuse me, are you hear to see me? Elle: No, silly. I go here!
46
Elle: Is that low-viscosity rayon? With a half-loop top stitching on the hem? It's impossible to have a half-loop stitching on low-viscosity rayon. It would snag the fabric. And you didn't just get it in - I saw it in the June Vogue a year ago. So if you're trying to sell it to me for full price, you've got the wrong girl.
47
Elle: [from deleted scene] She told me I look like Britney Spears! Why would she say that if she doesn't like me?
48
Elle: I promised her, and I can't break the bonds of sisterhood. Professor Callahan: Screw sisterhood! This is a murder investigation!
49
Paulette: [Paulette gets nervous talking to the UPS man and spills nail solution all over the table] Geez! Could I be any more goddamn spastic?
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