Other Titles • Best in Show • Dog Show (1999) • Dog Show! (2001) • Dogumentary (1999)
Quotes from Best in Show (2000)
1
Buck Laughlin: Am I nuts? Something's wrong with his feet. Trevor Beckwith: I never thought I'd find myself saying this, but you're right. Buck Laughlin: He's got two left feet.
(24 votes)
2
Stefan Vanderhoof: We're gonna be in Philadelphia for 48 hours, how many tea services can you do?
(22 votes)
3
Gerry Fleck: Don't water the plants, they're plastic!
(20 votes)
4
Buck Laughlin: Excuse me if this off the subject a little bit, but just take a guess at how much I can bench press. Come on, what do you think? Take a guess. 315 pounds, maxing out at 400!
(20 votes)
5
Buck Laughlin: Now tell me, which one of these dogs would you want to have as your wide receiver on your football team?
(20 votes)
6
Christy Cummings: We started this magazine, 'American Bitch'. It's a focus on the issues of the lesbian pure bred dog owner.
(2 votes)
7
Hamilton Swan: Honey, I'm thinking of switching to the mock turtleneck? Meg Swan: Is that not breathing? Hamilton Swan: Well, it's breathing now, but it'll be hot down there. I could go with the lambswool, but then again, you'll see a lot of khaki down there and this merlot looks good with the gray.
8
Sherri Ann Cabot: Leslie and I have an amazing relationship and it's very physical, he still pushes all my buttons. People say 'oh but he's so much older than you' and you know what, I'm the one having to push him away. We have so much in common, we both love soup and snow peas, we love the outdoors, and talking and not talking. We could not talk or talk forever and still find things to not talk about.
9
Dr. Theodore W. Millbank III: And really, I think what we're talking about is standards, basically; very, very specific, rigid, you could say, but in this world where would we be without them, I think. And notice where we are.
10
Buck Laughlin: Tell me, do you know the difference between a rectal thermometer and a tongue depressor? Nurse: Uh, no. Buck Laughlin: Remind me never to come to you for a physical!
11
Meg Swan: Thanks a lot, you stupid hotel manager!
12
Buck Laughlin: That looks like a fast dog
13
Buck Laughlin: Doctor, question that's always bothered me and a lot of people: Mayflower, combined with Philadelphia - a no-brainer, right? Cause this is where the Mayflower landed. Not so. It turns out Columbus actually set foot somewhere down in the West Indies. Little known fact.
14
Max Berman: ...but you see, you think they drop like rocks, they don't. He hit a gargoyle on the way down and this guy gets his head caught in the gargoyle's mouth. The head [snaps fingers] Max Berman: pops off like a grape. The body continues to spin down like a whirl-a-gig. When they hit, everything pops out. It's like a piñata The intestines, like they're spring-loaded, pop out.
15
[trying to coerce his son to get down from jumping off the roof] Max Berman: I'll gouge your right eye out with my thumb, I shit you not, you little freak! Now, will you get down here? I'm gonna punch you in the eye till it turns to jelly! I'll stab you with forks till you bleed, how bout that?
16
Hotel Manager: We have you down for a queen. Scott Donlan: What are you suggesting... my dear man.
17
Scott Donlan: This is my euphemism, Stefan.
18
Scott Donlan: Rhapsody has two mommies.
19
[Yelling at her husband who is trying to coax their son down from the roof] Fay Berman: Don't look him in the eye! It challenges him! He doesn't like that!
20
Gerry Fleck: [talking about Scott's leather trousers] Do you appreciate the amount of work that went into this? Scott Donlan: I ought to, I did it myself. I did it, I did it myself. I bored him to death, talked about it non stop. Stefan Vanderhoof: Well that is six months, six months working with leather and red thread. How much fun was he to be with?
21
[an additional scene from the dvd, at Stefan's hair salon] Stefan Vanderhoof: When I started here all there was was lampshade warehouses and leather bars, the serious leather bars where you wouldn't get in unless you had a rubber ball stuffed in your mouth, the wine list was tattooed on the bar tender's face. That kind of place. I remember one guy had a bicycle reflector sewn onto one nipple.
22
Stefan Vanderhoof: If you're ever buying a shampoo sink go right to the Dutch. The French know nothing about shampooing.
23
Stefan Vanderhoof: [talking about the first time he saw Scott showing a dog] They had the same prance, the same rhythm, it was like they were two members of the same body. Scott Donlan: I knew a guy who had two members on the same body, dated him for about a half hour, got *so* exhausted. I'm sorry, go on, you were telling a story?
24
Harlan Pepper: [an additional scene from the DVD, in Harlan's car - reciting a song called ?Turtle Woman?] I saw her at the sideshow at the fair. / The sign said, ?TURTLE WOMAN - PLEASE BEWARE." (And they had a sign saying, ?BEWARE?, cause they? because of snapping turtles, I guess) But I went in and I just had to stare. / Turtle Woman, I love you, I don't care.
25
Meg Swan: No, that's a bear in a, in a bee costume.
26
Meg Swan: This? This is a fish. This is a fish! You know what? Just shut up.
27
Meg Swan: I didn't ask for your opinion. I asked for a toy that you don't have!
28
Stefan Vanderhoof: So finally we bought out the chinese, not the entire nation, this one little chapter behind the wall here.
29
Hotel Manager: [handing back a credit card at check-in to the Flecks] I'm sorry, that card's been declined. Cookie Fleck: Oh, no! That's the good card!
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