Other Titles • Snatch. • Diamonds • The Guy Ritchie Project • Lock, Stock... and Six Stolen Diamonds • Snatch • Snatch'd • Snatch: Pigs and Diamonds (2000) • Snatch - Schweine und Diamanten (2001)
Quotes from Snatch. (2000)
1
Brick Top: Do you know what "nemesis" means? A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by an 'orrible cunt... me.
(245 votes)
2
Bullet Tooth Tony: So, you are obviously the big dick. The men on the side of ya are your balls. There are two types of balls. There are big brave balls, and there are little mincey faggot balls. Vinny: These are your last words, so make them a prayer. Bullet Tooth Tony: Now, dicks have drive and clarity of vision, but they are not clever. They smell pussy and they want a piece of the action. And you thought you smelled some good old pussy, and have brought your two small mincey faggot balls along for a good old time. But you've got your parties mangled up. There's no pussy here, just a dose that'll make you wish you were born a woman. Like a prick, you are having second thoughts. You are shrinking, and your two little balls are shrinking with ya. The fact that you've got "Replica" written down the side of your gun. (withdraws his gun) And the fact that I've got "Desert Eagle point five O" written on the side of mine, should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now... Fuck off.
(183 votes)
3
[Tyrone just backed into Franky Four Fingers' van] Tyrone: I didn't see it. Vinny: It's a two fucking ton van Tyrone. Its not as though its a bag of fucking peanuts now is it? Tyrone: It was at a funny angle. [All three turn and look back at the truck] Vinny: It's behind you Tyrone. When you reverse, things come at you from behind.
(152 votes)
4
Vinny: I thought you said he was a getaway driver. What the fuck can he get away from?
(138 votes)
5
Bullet Tooth Tony: You should never underestimate the predictability of stupidity.
(135 votes)
6
Brick Top: In the quiet words of the Virgin Mary... come again.
(36 votes)
7
Turkish: Well, do you want to do it? Mickey: That depends. Turkish: On what? Mickey: On you buying this caravan. Not the rouge one, the rose. Turkish: It's not the same caravan. Mickey: It's not the same fight. Turkish: It's twice the fucking size of the last one. Mickey: Turkish, the fight is twice the size. And me ma still needs a caravan. I like to look after me ma. It's a fair deal. Take it. Turkish: Mickey, you're lucky we aren't worm food after your last performance. Buying a tart's mobile palace is a little fucking rich. [Realizes his mistake] Turkish: I wasn't calling your mum a tart. I just meant... Mickey: Save your breath for cooling your porridge. Hey, look [starts talking incoherently] Mickey: Right. And she's terribly partial to the periwinkle blue. Have I made myself clear, lads? Turkish: Yeah, that's perfectly clear, Mickey. Just give me one minute to confer with my colleague. [to Tommy] Turkish: Did you understand a single word of what he just said?
(20 votes)
8
Turkish: Fuck me, hold tight. What's that? Tommy: It's me belt, Turkish. Turkish: No, Tommy. There's a gun in your trousers. What's a gun doing in your trousers? Tommy: It's for protection. Turkish: Protection from what? "Zee Germans"?
(20 votes)
9
Turkish: [voice over] Boris the Blade, or Boris "the Bullet Dodger." As bent as the Soviet's sickle, and as hard as the hammer that crosses it. Apparently, it's impossible to kill the bastard.
(19 votes)
10
Brick Top: You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. Sol: Would someone mind telling me, who are you? Brick Top: And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".
(17 votes)
11
Avi: Eighty-six carats. Rosebud: Where? Avi: London. Rosebud: London? Avi: London. Gemologist: London? Avi: Yes, London. You know: fish, chips, cup 'o tea, bad food, worse weather, Mary fucking Poppins... LONDON.
(16 votes)
12
Mickey: [roused from his drunken stupor] I need to have a shite.
(13 votes)
13
Tommy: Who took the jam outta your doughnut? Turkish: You took the fucking jam outta my doughnut, Tommy, you.
(13 votes)
14
Turkish: You take sugar? Brick Top: No thank you, Turkish; I'm sweet enough.
(11 votes)
15
Bullet Tooth Tony: Avi, pull your socks up.
(11 votes)
16
Customs official: Do you have anything to declare, sir? Avi: Yeah. Don't go to England.
(11 votes)
17
Avi: I'm gettin' heartburn. Tony, do something terrible.
(9 votes)
18
Avi: Should I call you Bullet? Tooth? Bullet Tooth Tony: You can call me Susan if it makes you happy.
(9 votes)
19
Turkish: [looks at the caravan] Look at it. How am I suppose to run this thing from that? We'll need a proper office. I want a new one, Tommy. You're going to buy it for me. Tommy: Why me? Turkish: Well, you know about caravans. Tommy: How's that? Turkish: You spent a summer in one, which means you know more than me. And I don't want to have my pants pulled down over the price. Tommy: What's wrong with this one? Turkish: [Pulls the caravan's door from its hinges] Oh, nothing, Tommy. It's tiptop. I'm just not sure about the colour.
(9 votes)
20
Vinny: Why are we stopped here? What's wrong with that spot? Tyrone: It's too tight. Vinny: Too tight? You could land a jumbo fucking jet in that.
(11 votes)
21
Mickey: The deal was you bought it like you saw it. Hey, look, I've helped you as much as I'm going to help you. See that car? Just use it for you're not welcome anymore. You should fuck off now while you still got the legs to carry you. Gorgeous George: Nobody. Mickey: Nobody brings a fella the size of you unless they're trying to say something without talking, right? Tommy: Sorry, Mickey. Just give our money back and you can keep the caravan. Mickey: Why the fuck do I want a caravan that's got no fucking wheels? You want to settle this with a fight? Mrs. O'Neil: Over my dead body! Now, go on! Go on! I'll not have you fighting, Mickey! You know what happens when you fight. Mickey: Get her to sit down. For fuck's sake! Want the money? I ain't fucked you. I'll fight you for it. You and me.
(8 votes)
22
Brick Top: I don't care if he's Muhammad I'm hard Bruce Lee. You can't change fighters.
(9 votes)
23
[His fighter has just been knocked out] Tommy: We've lost Gorgeous George. Brick Top: You'll have to say that again, I don't think I heard you? Tommy: We've lost Gorgeous George. Brick Top: How could you lose him, he's not a set of car keys. It's not like he's incon-fucking-spicuous.
(13 votes)
24
Avi: Tony. Bullet Tooth Tony: What? Avi: Look in the dog. Bullet Tooth Tony: What do you mean, "Look in the dog"? Avi: I mean open him up. Bullet Tooth Tony: It's not a fucking tin of baked beans! What do you mean "open him up"?
(7 votes)
25
Brick Top: If I throw a dog a bone, I don't want to know if it tastes good or not. And if you ever interrupt me whilst I'm walking, I'll cut your fucking jacobs off.
(7 votes)
26
Policeman: So, what you doin here? Turkish: I'm taking the dog for a walk. What's the problem? Policeman: What's in the car? Turkish: Seats and a steering wheel.
(6 votes)
27
Turkish: Well the rabbit gets fucked. Tommy: [pauses] Proper fucked? Turkish: Yes, before "Zee Germans" get there.
(6 votes)
28
"London. You know...fish, chips, cup-o-tea, Mary Poppins. London!"--Avi (Dennis Farina), explaining he has to go to London to get the diamond
(8 votes)
29
Bullet Tooth Tony: Boris the Blade? As in Boris the Bullet-Dodger? Avi: Why do they call him the Bullet-Dodger? Bullet Tooth Tony: 'Cause he dodges bullets, Avi.
(5 votes)
30
Avi: You got a toothbrush? We're going to London. Do you hear that, Doug? I'm coming to London. [Avi arrives in London] Doug the Head: Avi. Avi: Sit down and shut up, you big, bald fuck. I don't like leaving my country Doug, and I especially don't like leaving it for anything less then sandy beaches, and cocktails with little straw hats. Doug the Head: Avi, we have sandy beaches... Avi: So? Who the fuck wants to see 'em?
(5 votes)
31
Brick Top: Gimme that fucking shooter. Pikey: I'll give you that fucking shooter you cunt hair. [Blam. Blam]
(7 votes)
32
Turkish: What's happening with them sausages, Charlie? Sausage Charlie: Five minutes, Turkish. Turkish: It was two minutes five minutes ago.
(4 votes)
33
Turkish: I fail to recognize the correlation between "losing 10K", "hospitalizing gorgeous" and "a good deal".
(4 votes)
34
Mickey: Good dags. D'ya like dags? Tommy: Dags? Mickey: What? Mrs. O'Neil: Yeah, dags. Tommy: Oh, dogs. Sure, I like dags. I like caravans more.
(4 votes)
35
[Sol is holding 2 pistols] Vinny: What do you mean, Replicas? Sol: They look the shit, don't they? And no one is going to argue. I've got some extra loud blanks just in case. Vinny: Oh, in case we have to deafen them to death?
(3 votes)
36
Mickey: I bet ya can box a little, can't ya sir? Aye, you look like a boxer.
(3 votes)
37
Turkish: You show me how to control a wild fucking gypsy and I'll show you how to control an unhinged, pig-feeding gangster.
(3 votes)
38
Errol: Fuckface, who's speaking to you? He asked him, didn't he? Turkish: Fuckface... I like that one Errol. I'll have to remember that one next time I'm crawling off yer mum.
(3 votes)
39
[Doug sees four Jewish kids smoking] Doug the Head: What are you doing? Jewish Boy: [spits] It's a free country isn't it? Doug the Head: Well it isn't a free shop is it? So fuck off.
(3 votes)
40
"Bon jour?"--Bullet Tooth Tony (Vinnie Jones), politely answering his car phone after he's repeatedly slammed someone's head in the passenger-side door
(3 votes)
41
Bullet Tooth Tony: I'm driving down the road with your head stuck in my window. What does it look like I'm doin'?
(3 votes)
42
[Pricing a diamond for Bad Boy Lincoln] Sol: No, it's a moissanite. Bad Boy Lincoln: A what-a-nite? Sol: A moissanite is an artificial diamond, Lincoln. It's Mickey Mouse, man. Spurious. Not genuine. And it's worth... Fuck-all.
(2 votes)
43
"I don't care if he's Mohammed Imar Bruce Lee, he's goin' down in the fourth!"--Brick Top (Alan Ford) to Turkish (Jason Statham) about Mickey's (Brad Pitt) fight
(1 vote)
44
Tyrone: I don't want that dog dribbling on my seats. Vinny: Your seats? Tyrone, this is a stolen car, mate.
(1 vote)
45
"No snatching!"--Vinny (Robbie Gee) admonishing his dog for snatching and swallowing a whole squeeky toy
(2 votes)
46
Turkish: I'm sorry, Mickey. Mickey: Did ya do it? Then why are ya sorry?
47
Bullet Tooth Tony: You better not be tellin' me porky pies.
48
Turkish: ...I can't make him fight, can I? Brick Top: You're not much use to me alive are you.
49
Mickey: Ya got a good kick fer a fat fella. Gorgeous George: You better stay down. [throws Mickey into a wooden fence]
50
[after hearing about Bullet-Tooth Tony surviving after being shot six times] Cousin Avi: Six times. Doug the Head: In one sitting.
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