T.J. Hicks: See this ring? Topaz, my mother's birthstone. Know where I got the money for it? Deuce Bigalow: Where? T.J. Hicks: Man-whoring! See this keychain? Mini yo-yo. Know where I got the money for it? Deuce Bigalow: Man-whoring? T.J. Hicks: Stock market! But I got the money for the stock market from man-whoring.
2
T.J. Hicks: I prefer to be called a male madame. Wait, that didn't sound right.
3
T.J. Hicks: Don't make me he-bitch man-slap you!
4
T.J. Hicks: You know, Antoine's got a really bad temper. One time, I dropped a cigar ash on his carpet, and he made me pick it up with my anus.
5
Detective Fowler: Do the letters T and J mean anything to you? Deuce Bigalow: I don't know. Turkey Jizz?
6
T.J. Hicks: God damn white boy.
7
T.J. Hicks: What about Antoine's apartment? Deuce Bigalow: I'm gonna get the rest of the money the old-fashioned way. T.J. Hicks: You gonna steal it?
8
Bartender: There you go. That's uhh... $11.50. Deuce Bigalow: Ahh, no, no. Perhaps you misunderstood me. I wish to cancel my original order of the martini and two olives, and go for just the plain cranberry juice, by itself, for the three dollars. And I apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you. Bartender: Ahh, perhaps you don't understand. Ahh... if you don't pay me now, I'm going to uhh... take this swizzle-stick, and uhh... I'll be shoving that right up your pee-hole.
9
Antoine Laconte: Must make peepee.
10
Deuce Bigalow: I couldn't help overhearing your Spanish Claire: It was French Deuce Bigalow: Oui, French... Nice people.
11
Deuce Bigalow: Look, I think there's been a mistake. Fluisa: Did you say steak? Deuce Bigalow: No mistake. Fluisa: Oh now you got me all excited.
12
Antoine Laconte: This is a fourteenth century Hungarian cross-bow, it killed the king, and changed the history of Europe. If anything happens to my apartment... I'll shove it up your ass.
13
Deuce Bigalow: Where am I supposed to get three THOUSAND dollars in three weeks?
14
Deuce Bigalow: Wow! What are those? Antoine Laconte: Medieval weapons. I'm a collector. There worth twice as much if they've killed somebody. Deuce Bigalow: I collect Canadian quarters... I got about six of em...
15
Fluisa: Cakes And Pies! Cakes And Pies!
16
T.J. Hicks: Claire said Antoine's apartment was messed up, but I had no idea. Deuce Bigalow: Claire? T.J. Hicks: The hooker you ass-punched.
17
Kate: I don't understand why women do it. I don't see how they can get any pleasure from it. It's gross and unnatural. It's not supposed to go up there. Frankly, I don't even understand why men want that kind of thing either. Deuce Bigalow: So you're opposed to women being involved in modern space exploration? Kate: Absolutely! Frankly, I'd rather take it up the butt
18
Bailiff: That's a huge bitch!
19
[referring to Kate] Megan: You stay away from her, man-whore!
20
Antoine Laconte: Don't answer my phone or do not drive my car or else I will kill you!
21
T.J. Hicks: Deuce, you the best he-bitch in my man stable. If I had two more manginas like you, I'd be a millionaire.
22
[Ruth has Tourettes Syndrome] Ruth: Fart! Dildo! Big, Big, Big Titties! [looks at old couple] Ruth: SHIT! SHIT WHORES!
23
Antoine Laconte: I'm a gigolo. Deuce Bigalow: Giga-who? Antoine Laconte: Women pay me to give them... pleasure. Deuce Bigalow: How did you get that job? Antoine Laconte: I just sort of fell into it. Deuce Bigalow: I'm gonna kill my guidance counselor!
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