Derek Zoolander: I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is.
(26 votes)
2
Hansel: So I'm repelling down mount Vesuvius when suddenly I slip. And I'm just falling, terrified and then I think, "Hey, Hansel, haven't you been smoking Peyote for six straight days and couldn't some of this maybe be in your mind?" Derek Zoolander: And? Hansel: And it was. I was totally fine. I've never even been to mount Vesuvius.
(24 votes)
3
[a judge is needed for the "walk-off"] David Bowie: If nobody has any objections, I believe I might be of service.
(28 votes)
4
Mugatu: Who cares about Derek Zoolander anyway? The man has only one look for Christ's sake! Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigra? They're the same face! Doesn't anybody notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!
(23 votes)
5
[after he pokes a girl with a pin] Mugatu: Oh, I'm sorry, did my pin get in the way of your ass? Do me a favor and lose five pounds immediately or get out of my building like now!
(22 votes)
6
Derek Zoolander: What is this? A center for ants? How are we expected to teach the kids to read good... if they can't even fit inside the building? Mugatu: Derek, this is just a small... Derek Zoolander: I don't wanna hear your excuses! The building has to be at least... three times... that size!
(2 votes)
7
Matilda: I became... Hansel: What? Matilda: Bulimic. Derek Zoolander: You can read minds?
(2 votes)
8
Derek Zoolander: But why male models? J.P. Prewitt: Are you serious? I just told you.
(1 vote)
9
Derek Zoolander: I'm not an ambi-turner.
(1 vote)
10
[Talking about the files] Hansel: They're *in* the computer?
(1 vote)
11
Larry Zoolander: I just thank the Lord she didn't live to see her son as a mermaid. Derek Zoolander: Mer-man! [high-pitched cough] Derek Zoolander: Mer-man!
(1 vote)
12
Brint: [about Hansel] Have you seen the way he does his hair? Or Meekus: Or like, doesn't, it's like, *ex-squeeze* me, but have you ever heard of styling gel? Brint: I'm sure Hansel's heard of styling gel, he's a male model. Meekus: Uh, earth to Brint, I was making a joke. Brint: Uh, Earth to Meekus, duh *I knew that*! Meekus: Uh earth to Brint, I don't think you did because you were all like 'well I'm suure Hansels heard of styling gel' like you DIDN'T know it was a joke! Brint: Earth to Meekus, I knew it was a joke ok, I just didn't get it at first! Meekus: Earth to Brint... Derek Zoolander: GUYS! Can we stop with the Earth tos!
(1 vote)
13
Matilda: I've been trying to reach you for a week. Derek Zoolander: A week? What, are you having a whack attack? I saw you this afternoon, dum-dum. Matilda: That was last Friday. Derek Zoolander: Uhh Earth to Matilda, I was at a day spa. Day, D-A-I-Y-E. Okay?
(1 vote)
14
[after being in a coal mine for a day] Derek Zoolander: [high-pitched cough] ... I think I'm getting the Black Lung, Pop. It's not very well ventilated down there. Larry Zoolander: For Christ's sake, Derek, you've been down there one day. Talk to me in thirty years.
(1 vote)
15
[Derek sees his reflection in a puddle] Derek Zoolander: Who am I? [the reflection speaks back] Derek Zoolander: I don't know.
(1 vote)
16
Derek Zoolander: Oh, snap!
(1 vote)
17
Mugatu: They're break-dance fighting.
18
Larry Zoolander: Damnit Derek, I'm a coal miner, not a professional film or television actor.
19
Derek Zoolander: Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty.
20
Derek Zoolander: Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?
21
Billy Zane: It's a walk-off!
22
Derek Zoolander: What? Do you service yourself ten times a day or something?
23
Hansel: I friggin' worship you, man.
24
Hansel: I felt like, "This guy's really hurting me." And it hurt.
25
Hansel: Taste my pain, bitch!
26
Matilda: What time is it? Derek Zoolander: Almost five. Matilda: What? Hey, guys, that show is in three hours. Derek is dead unless we get that evidence. Do you guys ... Hansel: Whoa, whoa, easy! How 'bout a "Good afternoon, Derek and Hansel. Thanks for the freak fest last night."
27
Hansel: What's the dealio, yo?
28
Derek Zoolander: At the Derek Zoolander Center For Children Who Can't Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too, we teach you that there's more to life than being really, really good looking.
29
Mugatu: Let me show you Derelicte. It is a fashion, a way of life inspired by the very homeless, the vagrants, the crack whores that make this wonderful city so unique.
30
Billy Zane: Hey, Derek, back on top, man. Derek Zoolander: Thanks, Billy. You rock. Billy Zane: No, you rock. When you gonna drop Magnum on us, buddy? Derek Zoolander: Not yet. You gotta tame the beast before you let it out of its cage.
31
Derek Zoolander: I'm sorry I was wack.
32
Derek Zoolander: Wait a minute. I might just have an idea. They'll be looking for us at Maury's right? But they won't be looking for... not us.
33
Hansel: You is talking loco and I like it!
34
Maury Ballstein: I've got a prostate the size of a honeydew and a head full of bad memories.
35
Matilda: When I was in 7th grade, I was... the fat kid in my class. Derek Zoolander: Ew!
36
Derek Zoolander: Well, I guess it started during my first year of the second grade, when I was eating lunch and caught my reflection in a spoon, and I thought to myself, 'Hey, Derek, you're ridiculously good looking! And I thought maybe I could do that for a career. Matilda: Do what for a career? Derek Zoolander: Be professionally good looking.
37
Derek Zoolander: Why do you hate models, Matilda? Matilda: Honestly? Hansel: Yes. Matilda: I think they're vain, stupid, and incredibly self-centered. Hansel: I totally agree with you. But how do you feel about male models?
38
Hansel: I wasn't like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere's a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I'm selling? No. Do I know what I'm doing today? No. But I'm here, and I'm gonna give it my best shot.
39
[after spitting out and spilling some bad coffee all over his assistant] Mugatu: Todd! Are you not aware that I get farty and bloated with a foamy latte?
40
Protestor: Mugatu! Screw you and your little dog too!
41
[after throwing Matilda into the street from Mugatu's spa] Katinka: I suggest you and your Kmart Jaclyn Smith Collection outfit... stay the hell away from Derek Zoolander!
42
Katinka: I do not like snoopy reporter with lack of fashion sense, not one little bit.
43
Hansel: Who are you tryin' to get crazy with, ese? Don't you know I'm loco?
44
Hansel: Listen to your friend Billy Zane, he's a cool dude!
45
Derek Zoolander: There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought, "Wow, I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman".
46
Derek Zoolander: For serious.
47
VH1 Reporter: Derek, are you worried about Hansel? Derek Zoolander: Uhh, not as much as I'm worried about Gretel.
48
[unveiling a building model] Mugatu: I give you, "The Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good." [Derek looks at the model for a moment, then throws it on the floor] Derek Zoolander: What is this? A center for ants? How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read if they can't even fit inside the building?
49
Derek Zoolander: Do you understand that the world does not revolve around you and your do whatever it takes, ruin as many people's lives, so long as you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied along the way, just so long so you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied and dying along the way?
50
Hansel: The results are in amigo. What's left to ponder? [Derek glares at him] Hansel: Nice Comeback! Ha ha.
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