Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: What is a pancreas, anyhow? I mean, I don't know what the damn thing does for you, besides give you cancer.
(21 votes)
2
Frank Corvin: Clock's ticking, Bob. And I'm only getting older.
(20 votes)
3
Bob Gerson: I can't fill up a space shuttle with geriatrics!
(19 votes)
4
Frank Corvin: Well, what do you say, Reverend? You think a prayer's in order? Tank Sullivan: I was just reciting the Shepard's Prayer. Alan Shepard's prayer. Please God, don't let us screw up. Amen.
(18 votes)
5
Sara Holland: I have never met a kid who didn't dream of being an astronaut when he grew up. Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: Did you ever meet a kid who didn't grow up?
(15 votes)
6
Tiny, Bar Bouncer: I'll put you in the hospital old man. Frank Corvin: Yeah? Well I've got MediCare, go ahead and shoot your best shot!
7
Barbara Corvin: Would you like me to read the instructions to you again? Frank Corvin: Let me tell you something, my dear. Those instructions were written by a fellow in Japan when they made this damn thing. They were probably translated by some gringo who was an expatriate American that couldn't get a job in this country. And then the Japanese guy probably translated him just to double check on him. You don't need these instructions. Not at all. Tear them up.
8
[Frank and Hawk are asking a waitress who she would prefer to 'take home'] Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: Would you prefer this man, with his asymmetrical sagging ass-cheeks, his love-handles the size of Nebraska, and his oh-so-ugly in-grown toenail...? Frank Corvin: [interrupting] Or this son of a bitch with the chicken-gizzard neck and the face that looks like thirty miles of Death Valley fire trail?
9
Bob Gerson: Francis D. Corvin. Sara Holland: Is he dead? Bob Gerson: Only if I'm lucky.
10
Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: Have you noticed how everybody seems to be dead lately?
11
Frank Corvin: This is Jerry O'Neill. Sara Holland: No nickname for you? Jerry O'Neill: You can call me [kisses her hand] Jerry O'Neill: anytime.
12
Jerry O'Neill: I'm an engineer! I stopped running when Nixon was president!
13
Frank Corvin: You know what the worst day of my life was? The day Neil Armstrong set foot on the moon. I was probably the only person in America who wanted to commit suicide that day. Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: Well, thanks a lot Frank. We haven't spoken in twelve years and that's basically been the big question on my mind, what could make you commit suicide.
14
[the younger astronauts have given Team Daedalus some Ensure as a gag] Jerry O'Neill: I'd drink this. It's good for your libido.
15
Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: What are you doing here? Frank Corvin: Keeping a promise I made years ago. Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: Was that the promise you made to kill me or the promise you made to have both my legs broke?
16
Eugene 'Gene' Davis: Space will never be the same.
17
[challenging Frank to fight] Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: Okay, bad guy, we're taking this outside! I want to whip your asymmetrical sagging ass! Get out there in that parking lot! [Frank and Hawk step outside] Jerry O'Neill: Here we go again... Tank Sullivan: I've got ten on Frank!
18
[the crew are guests on the Tonight show] Jay Leno: Now you all have military backgrounds... North or South?
19
Frank Corvin: You mean you got me up here as a way of saving your own ass?
20
Frank Corvin: My only hope is that whatever doesn't burn up lands on Gerson's house.
21
Young Pilot #1: Hey, Hawk. This guys wants a scary ride. Jason: It's my birthday! Col. William 'Hawk' Hawkins: [pause] Happy birthday.
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