Alan Kligman, Esq.: Linda, stop. Now you take a moment, you breathe, and one thing at a time. Linda Partridge: Shut the fuck up. Alan Kligman, Esq.: You know what would help you, Linda? Linda Partridge: Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Alan Kligman, Esq.: You need to sober up. Linda Partridge: Now, you must *really* shut the fuck up now, please - shut the fuck up. Alan Kligman, Esq.: Linda. Linda Partridge: I have to go. Alan Kligman, Esq.: Let me call you a car Linda. Linda Partridge: Shut the fuck up.
(4 votes)
7
Claudia Gator: I'll tell you everything, and you tell me everything, and maybe we can get through all the piss and shit and lies that kill other people.
(1 vote)
8
"...And it is in the humble opinion of this narrator that this is not just, 'something that happened.' This cannot be, 'one of those things.' This, please, cannot be that. And for what I would like to say, I can't. This was not just a matter of chance. These strange things happen all the time."--Opening narration by actor Ricky Jay, after the strange death of Sydney Barringer
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"In this life, it's not what you hope for, it's not what you deserve--it's what you take."--Frank T.J. Mackey (Tom Cruise)
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"You wanna kiss me, Jim?"--Claudia Wilson Gator (Melora Walters)
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"Yes, I do."--Jim Kurring (John C. Reilly)
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"I know this sounds silly, and I know that I might sound ridiculous, like this is the scene in the movie where the guy's trying to get a hold of the long-lost son, you know, but this is that scene. This is that scene, and I think they have those scenes in movies because they're true, you know, because they really happen. And you've got to believe me, this is really happening."--Phil Parma (Philip Seymour Hoffman) on the phone looking for Frank
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"As the book says, we may be through with the past, but the past ain't though with us."--Ending narration by Ricky Jay (echoed throughtout the film)
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[singing along to Aimee Mann's "Wise Up"] Claudia Wilson Gator: It's not / What you thought / When you first began it / You got / What you want / Now you can hardly stand it though / By now you know / It's not going to stop Jim Kurring: It's not going to stop / It's not going to stop / 'Til you wise up Jimmy Gator: You're sure / There's a cure / And you have finally found it Quiz Kid Donnie Smith: You think / One drink / Will shrink you 'til you're underground / And living down / But it's not going to stop Phil Parma: It's not going to stop Earl Partridge: It's not going to stop / 'Til you wise up Linda Partridge: Prepare a list for what you need / Before you sign away the deed / 'Cause it's not going to stop Frank T.J. Mackey: It's not going to stop / It's not going to stop / 'Til you wise up / No, it's not going to stop / 'Til you wise up / No, it's not going to stop Stanley Spector: So just... give up
15
Narrator: And there is the account of the hanging of three men, and a scuba diver, and a suicide. There are stories of coincidence and chance, and intersections and strange things told, and which is which and who only knows? And we generally say, "Well, if that was in a movie, I wouldn't believe it." Someone's so-and-so met someone else's so-and-so and so on. And it is in the humble opinion of this narrator that strange things happen all the time. And so it goes, and so it goes. And the book says, "We may be through with the past, but the past ain't through with us."
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Jimmy Gator: The book says, "We might be through with the past, but the past ain't through with us."
Quiz Kid Donnie Smith: No, it is not dangerous to confuse children with angels.
19
Narrator: There are stories of coincidence and chance, of intersections and strange things told, and which is which and nobody knows; and we generally say, "Well, if that was in a movie, I wouldn't believe it."
20
Narrator: In the New York Herald, November 26, year 1911, there is an account of the hanging of three men. They died for the murder of Sir Edmund William Godfrey; Husband, Father, Pharmacist and all around gentle-man resident of: Greenberry Hill, London. He was murdered by three vagrants whose motive was simple robbery. They were identified as: Joseph Green, Stanley Berry, and Daniel Hill. Green, Berry, Hill. And I Would Like To Think This was Only A Matter Of Chance. As reported in the Reno Gazzette, June of 1983 there is the story of a fire, the water that it took to contain the fire, and a scuba diver named Delmer Darion. Employee of the Peppermill Hotel and Casino, Reno, Nevada. Engaged as a blackjack dealer. Well liked and well regarded as a physical, recreational and sporting sort, Delmer's true passion was for the lake. As reported by the coroner, Delmer died of a heart attack somewhere between the lake and the tree. A most curious side note is the suicide the next day of Craig Hansen. Volunteer firefighter, estranged father of four and a poor tendency to drink. Mr. Hansen was the pilot of the plane that quite accidentally lifted Delmer Darion out of the water. Added to this, Mr. Hansen's tortured life met before with Delmer Darion just two nights previous. The weight of the guilt and the measure of coincidence so large, Craig Hansen took his life. And I Am Trying To Think This Was All Only A Matter Of Chance. The tale told at a 1961 awards dinner for the American Association Of Forensic Science by Dr. Donald Harper, president of the association, began with a simple suicide attempt. Seventeen year old Sydney Barringer. In the city of Los Angeles on March 23, 1958. The coroner ruled that the unsuccessful suicide had suddenly become a succesful homicide. To explain: The suicide was confirmed by a note, left in the breast pocket of Sydney Barringer. At the same time young Sydney stood on the ledge of this nine story building, an argument swelled three stories below. The neighbors heard, as they usually did, the arguing of the tenants and it was not uncommon for them to threaten each other with a shotgun, or one of the many handguns kept in the house. And when the shotgun accidentaly went off, Sydney just happend to pass. Added to this, the two tenants turned out to be: Fay and Arthur Barringer. Sydney's mother and Sydney's father. When confronted with the charge, which took some figuring out for the officers on the scene of the crime, Fay Barringer swore that she did not know that the gun was loaded. A young boy who lived in the building, sometimes a vistor and friend to Sydney Barringer said that he had seen, six days prior the loading of the shotgun. It seems that the arguing and the fighting and all of the violence was far too much for Sydney Barringer and knowing his mother and father's tendency to fight, he decided to do something. Sydney Barringer jumps from the ninth floor rooftop. His parents argue three stories below. Her accidental shotgun blast hits Sydney in the stomach as he passes the arguing sixth floor window. He is killed instantly but continues to fall, only to find, three stories below, a safety net installed three days prior for a set of window washers that would have broken his fall and saved his life if not for the hole in his stomach. So Fay Barringer was charged with the murder of her son and Sydney Barringer noted as an accomplice in his own death. And it is in the humble opinion of this narrator that this is not just "Something That Happened." This cannot be "One of those things..." This, please, cannot be that. And for what I would like to say, I can't. This Was Not Just A Matter Of Chance. Ohhhh. These strange things happen all the time.
21
[Regarding the strange death of Sidney Barringer] Narrator: These strange things happen all the time.
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Quiz Kid Donnie Smith: I really do have love to give; I just don't know where to put it.
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Frank T.J. Mackey: I will drop-kick those fuckin' dogs if they come near me.
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Claudia Wilson Gator: Now that I've met you, would you object to never seeing me again?
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Gwenovier: What are you doing? Frank T.J. Mackey: I'm quietly judging you.
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Quiz Kid Donnie Smith: I used to be smart, but now I'm just stupid.
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Jimmy Gator: "Now I'm going to have our three whistlers... uh... please to present the next... um, the... um... musical... there were three... musical sections here, and this'll be the third... the third section... um... and they'll play a piece... it's very recognizable, it's... Chopin, actually... it's taken... it's, it's in the style of "March Militaire", which is a very... recognizable piece, so... if you please, just... listen to this, and I'm sure you can identify the... um, I'm sort of giving away the answer here, but that's... it's... Chopin... I don't mean to give away the answer... it's... please, just... you know... sing us a ditty, guys... a Chopin ditty." [collapses]
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Thurston Howell: It's dangerous to confuse children with angels.
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Frank T.J. Mackey: Respect the cock... and tame the cunt. Tame it.
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Frank T.J. Mackey: In this life, it's not what you hope for, it's not what you deserve - it's what you take!
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Earl Partridge: I'll tell you the greatest regret of my life: I let my love go.
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Frank T.J. Mackey: [Frank is speaking to followers at his seminar] Men are shit. What? Men... are... *shit*. What, isn't that what they say? Because we do bad things, don't we? We do horrible, heinous, *heinous*, terrible things. Things that no woman would ever do. No, women, they don't lie. No, women don't cheat. Women don't *manipulate* us. But you see what I'm getting at. You see what society does? Little boys, it's, "Wow, womaaaan!" We are taught to apologize. I am sorry. I am so sorry, baby. I am so sorry. What is it that we need? Is it their pussies? Their love? Mommy wouldn't let me play soccer... and Daddy, he hit me, so that's who I am, that's why I do what I do? Fucking bullshit. I will not apologize for who I am. I will not apologize for what I need. I will not apologize for what I *want*!
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Frank T.J. Mackey: Denise. Denise the piece.
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Frank T.J. Mackey: Do you think they're your friends? They're not your friends. Do you really think she'll be there when things go bad? Huh? When things go wrong? You think again. Fucking Denise. Denise the piece. Oh, you're gonna give me that cherry pie sweet mama baby.
35
[Claudia kisses Jim] Claudia Wilson Gator: I wanted to do that. Jim Kurring: Well... Claudia Wilson Gator: That felt good to do - to do what I wanted to do.
36
Claudia Wilson Gator: I'm really nervous that you're gonna hate me soon. You're gonna find stuff out about me and you're gonna hate me. Jim Kurring: No. Like what? What do you mean? Claudia Wilson Gator: You have so much - so many good things. And you seem so together. You're a police officer and you seem so straight and put together - without any problems. Jim Kurring: I lost my gun today. Claudia Wilson Gator: What? Jim Kurring: I lost my gun today when I left you and I'm the laughingstock of a lot of people. I wanted to tell you. I wanted you to know and it's on my mind. And it makes me look like a fool. And I feel like a fool. And you asked that we should say things - that we should say what we're thinking and not lie about things. Well, I can tell you that, this, that I lost my gun today - and I am not a good cop. And I'm looked down at. And I know that. And I'm scared that once you find that out you may not like me. Claudia Wilson Gator: Jim. That, that was so... Jim Kurring: I'm sorry. Claudia Wilson Gator: - great. What you just said.
37
Claudia Wilson Gator: You don't know how fucking stupid I am. Jim Kurring: It's okay. Claudia Wilson Gator: You don't know how *crazy* I am. Jim Kurring: It's okay. Claudia Wilson Gator: I got troubles, okay? Jim Kurring: I'll take everything at face value. I'll be a good listener. Claudia Wilson Gator: I started this didn't I, didn't I - fuck. Jim Kurring: Whatever it is, just say it, you'll see. Claudia Wilson Gator: ...You wanna kiss me, Jim? Jim Kurring: Yes, I do.
38
Jim Kurring: Let me tell you something, this is not an easy job. I get a call on the radio, dispatch, it's bad news. And it stinks. But this is my job and I love it. Because I want to do well - in this life and in this world, I want to do well. And I want to help people. And I might get twenty bad calls a day. But one time I can help someone and make a save - correct a wrong or right a situation - then I'm a happy cop. And as we move through this life we should try and do good. Do good... And if we can do that, and not hurt anyone else, well... then...
39
Stanley Spector: This happens. This is something that happens.
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Dixon: When the sunshine don't work, the good Lord bring the rain in.
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Jim Kurring: [to Claudia] I can't let this go. I can't let you go. Now, you... you listen to me now. You're a good person. You're a good and beautiful person and I won't let you walk out on me. And I won't let you say those things - those things about how stupid you are and this and that. I won't stand for that. You want to be with me... then you be with me. You see? [Claudia smiles]
42
Young Pharmacy Kid: Strong, strong stuff here. What exactly you have wrong, you need all this stuff? Linda Partridge: Motherfucker... Young Pharmacy Kid: What are you talking about? Linda Partridge: Who the fuck are you, who the fuck do you think you are? I come in here, you don't know me, you don't know who I am, what my life is, you have the balls, the indecency to ask me a question about my life? Old Pharmacist: Please, lady, why don't you calm down - ? Linda Partridge: Fuck you, too. Don't call me "lady". I come in here, I give these things to you, you check, you make your phone calls, look suspicious, ask questions. I'm sick. I have sickness all around me and you fucking ask me about my life? "What's wrong?" Have you seen death in your bed? In your house? Where's your fucking decency? And then I'm asked fucking questions. What's... wrong? You suck my dick. That's what's wrong. And you, you fucking call me "lady"? Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on both of you.
43
Quiz Kid Donnie Smith: What the fuck am I doing?
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Quiz Kid Donnie Smith: I love you, Brad - Brad the bartender. You wanna love me back? I'll be good to you.
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Quiz Kid Donnie Smith: I'm sick and I'm in love. Thurston Howell: You seem the sort of person who confuses the two. Quiz Kid Donnie Smith: That's right. That's the first time you've been right. I confuse the two and I don't care.
46
Jim Kurring: Sometimes people need a little help. Sometimes people need to be forgiven. And sometimes they need to go to jail.
47
Frank T.J. Mackey: I will not apologize for who I am.
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Burt Ramsey: We met upon the level, and we're parting on the square.
49
Frank T.J. Mackey: I'll tell you what I want you to do, Janet! I want you to do your fucking job!
50
Phil Parma: [looks out window] Why are frogs falling from the sky?
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