[Enid is looking at the racist logo of Cook's Chicken, formerly Coon Chicken] Enid: So, I don't get it. Are you saying things were better then, even though there was stuff like this? Seymour: I suppose things are better now, but... I don't know. People still hate each other, they just know how to hide it better.
(9 votes)
2
Enid: Josh. Rebecca: Josh. Enid, Rebecca: Josh! Enid: God, I'll bet he's in there jerking off. Rebecca: I'll bet he never jerks off. Enid: Yeah, he's beyond human, and stuff like that. Rebecca: Should we leave him a note? Enid: Sure. You got a pen? [Rebecca pulls out a pen, Enid takes it] Enid: [writing] Dear Josh, we came by to fuck you, but you were not home. Therefore... you are gay. Signed Tiffany, and Amber.
(5 votes)
3
[on a comedian billed as the weirdest man in show biz] Enid: If he's so weird, why is he wearing Nikes?
(3 votes)
4
[At their High School graduation, Enid and Rebecca encounter Melora, an incredibly cute and annoying classmate] Melorra: Oh my God. We have to get together this summer. Enid: [Deadpan] Yeah... That'll definitely happen.
(3 votes)
5
Enid: Look at this. Rebecca: What? Enid: Is Stacy Himmler going out with Rod Harbaugh. Rebecca: Oh, God. How perfect. Enid: He better watch out or he'll get AIDS when he date-rapes her.
(3 votes)
6
Enid: It's not like I'm some modern punk, dickhead. It's an obvious, 1977 original punk rock look. I guess Johnny fuckface over there's too stupid to realize it. Rebecca: I didn't really get it either. Enid: Everyone's too stupid.
(3 votes)
7
Seymour: Well, I have to admit that things are really starting to look up for me since my life turned to shit.
(3 votes)
8
Soda Customer: Hi, can I get a medium 7-Up? Enid: ...Medium? Why sir, did you now know that for a mere 25 cents more you can purchase a large beverage? And you know... I'm only telling you this because we're such good friends: Medium is really only for suckers who don't know the concept of value.
(3 votes)
9
[Doug comes into the Sidewinder without a shirt on] Doug: What's up, Josh? Give me two packs of cigarettes today. Working overtime: Sixteen hours. [Puts malt liquir bottle on the counter] Doug: And nature's nectar, wake-up juice. And give me six of these beef jerky's. I'm hungry enough to chew the crotch out of a rag doll. [Sidewinder Boss spots him] Sidewinder Boss: Hey. Hey. How many times do I have to tell you? No shirt, no service. Get the hell out of my store. What do you think this is, Club Med? Doug: It's called America, dude. Learn the rules. Sidewinder Boss: "Learn the rules?" No, YOU learn the rules. We Greeks invented democracy. Doug: You also invented homos. Sidewinder Boss: Fuck you. Doug: You wish. You gotta buy me dinner first.
(3 votes)
10
Melorra: Oh my god, you guys actually made it. Enid: [Deadpan] Yeah. We graduated high school. How... totally... amazing.
(3 votes)
11
Seymour: You think it's healthy to obsessively collect things? You can't relate to other people, so you fill your life with stuff... I'm just like all these other collector losers.
(2 votes)
12
Doug: Rock n' roll, baby: Freedom of speech.
(2 votes)
13
[observing Seymour's order from across the diner] Enid: Oh my God. He just ordered a giant glass of milk. Josh: ...That's a vanilla milkshake.
(3 votes)
14
Angry Garage Sale Woman: How much for this dress? Rebecca: God, I can't believe you're selling that. Enid: That's $500. Angry Garage Sale Woman: What? Enid: 500. Angry Garage Sale Woman: You're crazy. It should be like $2. Enid: I was wearing that dress when I lost my virginity. Angry Garage Sale Woman: Why do I care? Enid: Well, why do you want it? I mean, it would look stupid on you anyway. Angry Garage Sale Woman: God. Fuck you.
(3 votes)
15
Dana: I am so excited to see this movie. Dustoffvarnya is such a brilliant director. Did you see his last film, "The Flower that Drank the Moon"? It was simply glorious! Seymour: I guess I must have missed that one. But then what do I know. I like Laurel and Hardy movies. Dana: Really? I never really cared for those. I mean, why does the fat one always have to be so mean to the skinny one?
(2 votes)
16
Enid: Wow, look at me. I'm not even listening to a word you're saying.
(3 votes)
17
John Ellis: You know, you never paid me for that Indian dance routine tape. Enid: Yes I did. John Ellis: You Jews are so clever with money. Enid: Fuck you. Stupid redneck hick.
(3 votes)
18
Enid: Hey, look. There's the pants.
(2 votes)
19
[after seeing Seymour just miss hitting a truck] Enid: Oh my god. It's him. He's insane. Rebecca: We should follow him home.
(2 votes)
20
Roberta: That piece is entitled "Mirror, Father, Mirror." I like to show it to people that I'm meeting for the first time because I feel it says so much about who I am and what it feels like to inhabit my specific skin.
(2 votes)
21
[pretending to hold up Starbucks in a Catwoman mask] Enid: Gimme all your money, bitch!
22
Rebecca: God, I'm so sick of Seymour.
23
Seymour: Let the machine get it, I have no desire to talk to anyone who might be calling me.
24
Enid: By the end of the summer you're going to be up to your neck in pussy.
25
Enid: Are you into girls with big tits? Seymour: As long as she's not a complete imbecile and she's even remotely attractive.
26
Phillip: It's a really great video game about a guy who kills people with a big hammer. Roberta: Oh. I thought it was supposed to be your father.
27
Enid: How come all that time I was trying to get you a date you never asked me out? Seymour: You're a beautiful girl, I couldn't imagine you'd have any interest in me except as an amusingly cranky eccentric curiosity.
28
Enid: Yeah, yeah, just list your five main interests in order of importance. Seymour: I'm gonna have to put trad, trad jazz, Blues then rhythm at the top of the list. Enid: Right, so, let's just put music, that way we only use up one.
29
Enid: Josh, he's nobody's boyfriend, he's just this guy that Becky and I like to torture.
30
Enid: How can you stand all these assholes Rebecca: Some people are ok, mostly I just feel like poisoning everybody.
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