End of Days (1999)

"END OF DAYS"
review by R.L. Strong
1½ stars
Rated R for intense violence and gore, adult situations and language.

UNIVERSAL PICTURES AND BEACON PICTURES PRESENTS ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER A PETER HYAMS FILM "END OF DAYS" GABRIEL BYRNE KEVIN POLLACK ROBIN TUNNEY ROD STEIGER MUSIC SUPERVISOR G. MARQ ROSWELL MUSIC BY JOHN DEBNEY EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS MARC ABRAHAM THOMAS A. BLISS PRODUCED BY ARMYAN BERNSTEIN BILL BORDAN WRITTEN BY ANDREW W. MARLOWE DIRECTED BY PETER HYAMS

"You'll never know what you'll agree too when you're on fire!" And most will feel burned by this latest offering from the king of action, Arnold Schwarzenegger. A trite and overly complex plot about Satan's coming to Earth to father his son. A hodge-podge of ideas and themes lifted almost verbatim from a host of other, better films.

1979.. a monk in the Vatican, recognizing a prophetic astrological occurrence; alerts the Pope that the bride of Satan has been born. An argument between the counsel and the Pope ensues, one side believing that the Child must be killed, the other believing that she must be protected. The Pope decrees, that the child must be protected and that we must have faith in God.

As the child is born, An intern (Udo Kier) in a New York hospital delivers the newborn to a group of Satanists in the basement of the hospital where she is fed the blood of a rattlesnake, the gathered looking on in awe and enlightenment.

Flash forward 20 years to December 28th, 1999. As Satan rises up from the city's sewer system (destroying a city block in the process), he then possesses the body of New York socialite (Gabriel Byrne) and destroys another city block in a firestorm.

We are now introduced to Schwarzenegger 's character, Jericho Cane (subtlety in names is not a concern here), an alcoholic and suicidal New York detective. He is currently serving as protection for the aforementioned Socialite. When an assassination attempt goes bad, Jericho gives chase, hanging from a helicopter by a cable. Catching and losing his suspect, the chase continues into the subway system, where the assassin is caught and found to be Thomas Aquinas (Derrick O'Connor) an elderly Priest, who rants about the end of the Thousand years (a biblical reference to Christ's rule over the Earth).

Somehow, Jericho and his partner Chicago (Kevin Pollak) find Aquinas' lair in the sewers. Amidst all of the religious scribblings and newspaper clippings proclaiming the end of the world, they find a newspaper photo of a young girl. We are then introduced to Christine York (Robin Tunney) as she is approached by a street urchin, who accosts her with warnings of an impending rape. As she grabs his arm, the man shatters into thousands of pieces like glass. Christine screams, upsetting the passengers on the train who have seen nothing, as this was a hallucinations. Christine apologizes to her fellow passengers for her outburst.

I'm not going to go into any further detail of this plot, since if these already absurd situations haven't already eliminated any desire you may have had to see this film, than nothing I can say in this review will change your mind. Suffice to say, you have been warned. For those of you that need to understand my complete dislike of this film, let me continue.

The script by Andrew W. Marlowe (1997's "Air Force One") is hackneyed to say the least. No research into biblical scriptures of any kind was done, as made clear by the idea that our current time period is being ruled by Christ ('The thousand years are over!"). As anyone who has gone to church should know that Christ's rule happens after the battle between heaven and hell.. But this is only the most minor of convoluted ideas and plot contrivances retched up for this Thanksgiving gift. The scripts' utter lack of knowledge of what religion and faith is, (and for that matter what makes a good horror film) are tantamount to blasphemy. But suffice to say, that this Thanksgiving turkey is nothing more that baloney.

Christine is surrounded by loyal worshippers of Satan, who conspire to make her the bride of their dark Lord. Why, we are not told. Why there are two factions within the Catholic Church is also glossed over. Every minion of Satan has superhuman strength, but can't survive bullets. And Arnold can just walk into an armory and carry out more weapons than the National Guard without the slightest protest. This is a jig-saw puzzle type script. The mix of ideas and themes lifted from films such as "Rosemary's Baby", "The Omen", "Godfather 3", "The Devil's Advocate" and too many others to mention could almost constitute copyright infringement. There is not one original idea or concept here. This is just possibly one of the worst horror films ever made by a major studio. Scenes from other films are lifted almost verbatim. This is almost as maddening as "Godzilla" (which still ranks as the most brain dead film of the 90's)

Arnold Schwarzenegger is horribly miscast as an alcoholic, self destructive man. If anyone looked at the character as written, and looked at Arnold's physique, one would assume that alcohol, consumed in daily quantities of a gallon or more has the same effect as Popeye's spinach. I found myself laughing out loud, at some of the trademark Arnold one liners in this one, all about as subtle as those used in "Batman and Robin".

As it is, the performances as acceptable. The surprise here is Gabriel Byrne as the Devil in the Flesh. Without any other motivation that to be as coldly evil as possibly, Byrne manages to have fun with the part, drawing the only source of fluidity and fun out of this desert of a script. Robin Tunney as the victim Christine York does what she can with a role more under written than that of Byrne's. She does have a presents on screen, and hopefully she can move on to better roles.

Kevin Pollak turns in the obligatory comic side kick role with his usual aplomb. Nothing more, nothing less. The greatest miscarriage here, is the utter waste of Rod Steiger as Father Kovak. His sole purpose to spout out exposition to help explain a hopelessly muddled plot. The rest of the cast does their jobs adequately, knowing full well that in this film no one will notice the performances. This is a fine example of film that relies on its special effects for any entertainment it may have. The problem.. like everything else in the film is we've seen them before.

The direction by Peter Hyams is similar to his work on both "The Relic" and the Jean Claude Van Damme vehicles "Sudden Death" and "Timecop". Neither praise nor pan, Mr. Hyams does what he does best, and that's putting together an amusing action scene.

To sum up the experience of watching "End of Days", I'll quote a dialogue exchange from the film. Satan: I can give you whatever you want. Just tell Me.. what do you want? Jericho: I want.. you.. to go to Hell!

Yes indeed. For two full hours!
©2000 R.L. Strong