[On being told he's been selected as gay man of the year] Oscar Novak: I haven't done anything or anyone to deserve this.
2
Oscar Novak: I'm not gay, I didn't... gay.
3
Peter Steinberg: You've made your big gay bed and now you must slumber gaily in it!
4
[When Peter clicks his pen, it's supposed to signal to Oscar that he's rambling] Oscar Novak: Hey, you have a Buddha! Oh, I love Buddhas. [Peter clicks his pen] Oscar Novak: They're like bright, cheery, naked Asian Santas. [Sound of clicking pen] Oscar Novak: You know, I had a buddy in college whose name was Bob and we used to call him "Buddha Bob" because he was kind of fat and he liked to walk around naked. [More pen clicking] Oscar Novak: We used to rub his belly for luck. [Frantic pen clicking. He gets the hint] Oscar Novak: Anyway... I love Buddha. [awkward pause] Oscar Novak: He rocks.
5
Oscar Novak: Mum's the word. The word is mum.
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Oscar Novak: I had no idea things were so hairy in Bosnia.
7
Amy: How are your balls? Oscar Novak: They're fine. Thanks for asking.
8
Oscar Novak: The entire night was a total disaster. Peter Steinberg: You're in love with her. Oscar Novak: Pretty much.
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Oscar Novak: [Peter is stood with a tub of hair gel and a weird hairdo] What the hell happened to your hair? Peter Steinberg: You were gone for nine hours. I got bored. What happened? Oscar Novak: It was a disaster. First our cab exploded, then I got hit in the face, then we both threw up, *then* she rammed a car handle into my balls. The whole night was a disaster. Peter Steinberg: You fell in love with her. Oscar Novak: Pretty much.
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Peter Steinberg: Do you have any idea what toilet paper feels like in Egypt?
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Oscar Novak: ...she has an ass so sexy, I struggle to understand it.
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Peter Steinberg: Don't make me make you my prison bitch.
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Amy: So I take it you have kissed a woman before? Oscar Novak: Not the right one.
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[after Amy accidentally hits Oscar] Amy: Did you hurt yourself? Oscar Novak: No, no... YOU hurt me!
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Amy: [upon meeting her boyfriends wife] i handled that well didn't I? I'm still in one piece. Oscar Novak: Yes, very well. [amy starts to walk away] Oscar Novak: Where are you going? Amy: To get really *really* drunk.
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Oscar Novak: I'm never going to have sex again! Peter Steinberg: Oh, of course you will. Just maybe not with a woman.
17
Oscar Novak: What's good? Diner Waiter: Tuna melt. Oscar Novak: Ohhh... what else? Diner Waiter: Tuna melt. Amy: What do you think? Oscar Novak: Yeah, two tuna melts.
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