Alonzo Harris: You hear that, homey? You wanna go to jail or you wanna go home? Huh? Crackhead #1: What you think? Alonzo Harris: They got room for you at the booty house, you ever been to the booty house. Big boys have you grab you ankles... Crackhead #1: Suck my dick, bitch. I know people. Alonzo Harris: That's how it starts. What about you, my man? Where's yo' horn? Crackhead #2: I ain't got nothin' on me, man. Alonzo Harris: You sure? Crackhead #2: Yeah, man. Alonzo Harris: You got money, though. [pulls out crack] Alonzo Harris: Ooohh, you lied to me, you lied to me. Lucky I don't make you eat that, dawg. [steps on crack]
3
Alonzo: Today's a training day, Officer Hoyt. Show you around, give you a taste of the business. I got 38 cases pending trial, 63 in active investigations, another 250 on the log I can't clear. I supervise five officers. That's five different personalities. Five sets of problems. You can be number six if you act now. But I ain't holding no hands, okay? I ain't baby-sitting. You got today and today only to show me who and what you're made of. You don't like narcotics, get the fuck out of my car. Go get you a nice, pussy desk job, chasing bad checks or something, you hear me?
(2 votes)
4
Alonzo: Why do you wanna be a narc? Jake: I want to protect the streets by ridding it of dangerous drugs. Alonzo: Yeah, but why do you wanna be a narc? Jake: I wanna make detective. Alonzo: There you go. You stick with me, you'll make it. Unlearn that bullshit they teach you at the Academy. That shit'll get you killed out here. Jake: I'll do anything you want me to do. Alonzo: My nigga. Roll that window down first. [Jake rolls down window] Alonzo: You gotta see the streets. You gotta feel it. You gotta smell it, you gotta taste the streets. How's your Espanol? Jake: Uh, mas o menos. Alonzo: Learn that shit, brother. That shit'll get you killed. These motherfuckers out there be plotting all types of shit on you.
(2 votes)
5
Alonzo Harris: Get some chow in you before we go to the office, my dollar. Jake Hoyt: Thank you sir, but I ate... Alonzo Harris: Fine, don't. Jake Hoyt: It's nice here. Alonzo Harris: May I read my paper? Jake Hoyt: I'm sorry, sir, I... Alonzo Harris: Thank you. Jake Hoyt: You know what, I'll get something to eat. Alonzo Harris: No. Hell no you won't, you fucked that up. I'm trying to read my paper. Please, shut up. Jake Hoyt: I sure won't mind roasting in a black-and-white all day. Alonzo Harris: Tell me a story, Hoyt. Jake Hoyt: My story? Alonzo Harris: No, not your story. A story. Because you can't keep your mouth shut long enough for me to read my paper. Tell me a story. Jake Hoyt: I don't think I know any stories. Alonzo Harris: You don't know any stories? Okay, I'll tell you a story. This is a newspaper. It's 90 per cent bullshit, but it's entertaining. That's why I read it, because it entertains me. You won't let me read it, so you entertain me with your bullshit. Tell me a story, right now.
(3 votes)
6
[on phone] Jake Hoyt: Hello? Alonzo Harris: Hoyt? Jake Hoyt: Yes, sir? Alonzo Harris: You on your way to roll call? Jake Hoyt: Yes, sir, I'm on my way out the door right now. Alonzo Harris: Hoyt. Jake Hoyt: Yes, sir? Alonzo Harris: Patrol ferries go to roll call, we don't go to roll call -
(2 votes)
7
[referring to his shotgun] Alonzo Harris: You KNOW I'm surgical with this bitch.
(2 votes)
8
Jake Hoyt: Its not so fun when the rabbit has a gun.
9
Alonzo Harris: Its not like I was pointing a gun at your head.
(2 votes)
10
[Hoyt just smoked some weed] Alonzo Harris: When was the last time you smoked weed? Jake Hoyt: High school... We were... Alonzo Harris: Smoking weed. Jake Hoyt: Right. Alonzo Harris: Right.
(4 votes)
11
Alonzo Harris: Oh, you federally fucked now.
(2 votes)
12
Alonzo Harris: But, I don't believe you. You tapped that ass, didn't you. C'mon, tell the truth, you know you tapped that ass. You put her in the backseat, BAM. Code-X. Jake Hoyt: Look man, I got a wife. Alonzo Harris: You got a dick. You do have a dick, don't you? Okay, the dick lines up straight like that right? To the right of it and to the left of it are pockets, right? In those pockets are money. Look in either one of 'em, pay the bill.
(1 vote)
13
Alonzo Harris: Take that dick and stick it up that funky little ass of yours, bitch. Damn, I'm thirsty.
14
Smiley: I am always getting love for the homies.
15
[to Jake Hoyt] Paul: You're a long way from Starbuck's homey.
(1 vote)
16
Blue: What you need, homey? Jake Hoyt: Crack. 20 bucks' worth. Blue: Crack? [looks at Alonzo] Blue: Smells like bacon in this muthafucka. What I look like, a sucka to you, nigga? Fuck you, rookie.
(2 votes)
17
Blue: Civil rights violatin' mothafuckas.
18
Alonzo Harris: All right, burn it, barbecue it, fish-fry it, I don't give a fuck, but it'll make the boys feel better... Jake Hoyt: Fuck their feelings. Alonzo Harris: You're not makin' them feel like you're part of the team. Jake Hoyt: Team? You guys are fuckin' insane.
19
Alonzo Harris: Now, whenever you think of pullin' the trigger, you think of him first. 'Cuz if you don't, he'll snatch your fuckin' nuts out and use 'em for dice.
20
Jake Hoyt: This car is not from the motor pool. Alonzo Harris: It's not, sexy though, ain't it? Jake Hoyt: So, where's the office? Back at division? Alonzo Harris: You're in the office, baby.
21
Jake Hoyt: Now, listen to me, that girl was being raped. I saw these two fuckin' drug addicts attacking her, and I stopped 'em... Smiley: You lie to me. Jake Hoyt: I would - not - lie to you... Smiley: Don't lie to me! - Don't lie to me! Jake Hoyt: I swear to God. She was being raped, and I stopped 'em, man. And please man, I got a little kid... Moreno: Shut the fuck up, faggot. Sniper: Blast his ass, homes. Jake Hoyt: I have - a little girl.
22
Lou Jacobs: I don't know why I'm talking to you. I don't talk to dead men. Alonzo Harris: I ain't dead yet. Fuckin' prick.
(2 votes)
23
Alonzo Harris: Why the long face, Doug? Feds seize your house? Doug Rosselli: Fuck yourself, Alonzo.
24
Alonzo Harris: All right, when's the last time you did a felony stop? Jake Hoyt: Uh, couple weeks ago? Alonzo Harris: Good, you need practice. Jake Hoyt: They look like college kids. Alonzo Harris: They're gonna get their education today. I don't want the Brady Bunch grabbin' glass. You take the back, I'll take the front.
25
Jake Hoyt: That stuff doesn't fly anymore, man. Shovin' a pen down - what if that guy complains? Alonzo Harris: To who?
26
Alonzo Harris: You disloyal, fool-ass, bitch-made punk.
27
Jake Hoyt: If he's not here, why are we here? Alonzo Harris: We're here to serve this warrant. Jake Hoyt: C'mon, man. We can't do that. Alonzo Harris: Yes, hell we can. We're the police, we can do what the fuck we wanna do. Jake Hoyt: Shouldn't we go get a real warrant? Alonzo Harris: We're trying to get shit done. Just stand over there and don't get me killed, all right, new guy?
28
Alonzo Harris: How you want it, dawg? Closed casket? Remember that fool in the wheelchair? How'd you think he got there?
29
Alonzo Harris: You wouldn't mind if I have some of your three thousand dollar-a-glass shit there, would you?
30
Jake Hoyt: That is the second time you have pointed a gun at me, there will not be a third.
31
Roger: Here's a joke, boy. One day this man walks out of his house to go to work. He sees this snail on his porch. So he picks it up and chucks it over his roof, into the back yard. Snail bounces off a rock, cracks its shell all to shit, and lands in the grass. Snail lies there dying. But it doesn't die. It eats some grass. Slowly heals. Grows a new shell. And after a while it can crawl again. One day the snail up and heads back to the front of the house. Finally, after a year, the little guy crawls back on the porch. Right then, the man walks out to go to work and sees this snail again. So he says to it, 'What the fuck's your problem?' Jake Hoyt: That's messed up. That wasn't funny. Alonzo Harris: Then why are you cackling like a jackal? Jake Hoyt: I dunno. Roger: Figure that joke out and you'll figure the streets out.
32
Alonzo Harris: To be truly effective, a good narcotics agent must know and love narcotics. In fact, a good narcotics agent should have narcotics in his blood. Jake Hoyt: Are you gonna smoke that? Alonzo Harris: No, you are. Jake Hoyt: [Laughs] Hell if I am. Alonzo Harris: You not gon' smoke it? Jake Hoyt: Naw, man. I became a narc to rid the streets of dopers, not to be one. Alonzo Harris: Come on, man, take a hit. Jake Hoyt: Naw, man. Alonzo Harris: [Slams brakes] Yeah, right. If I was a drug dealer, you'd be dead by now, motherfucker. You turn shit down on the streets, and the chief brings your wife a crisply folded flag. What the fuck's wrong with you? Talking about - You know what? I don't want you in my unit. I don't even want you in my division. Get the fuck out the car. Go back to the Valley, rookie. Jake Hoyt: All right, I'll smoke it.
33
Roger: You figure that joke out, you'll figure the streets out. Alonzo Harris: There ain't nothing to figure out, that's just some senseless bullshit. Don't listen to him. Jake Hoyt: You know, I already figured 'em out. Alonzo Harris: Really? Roger: You already figured the streets out. Jake Hoyt: It's all about smiles and cries. Alonzo Harris: Put the drink down, man, the motherfuckers out of his mind. Roger: Hold on, Alonzo, hold on. Smiles and cries, smiles and cries, I hear ya. Jake Hoyt: Yeah. You gotta control your smiles and cries, because that's all you have and nobody can take that away from you.
34
Alonzo Harris: One time. What's up Bone? Bone: What's up, Alonzo? - What's happenin' with you, Damu? Alonzo Harris: It's all good. Bone: I wanna tell you man: I appreciate what you did for my nephew, that's some real shit. Alonzo Harris: For sure. For sure. [Alonzo walks away] Bone: I'm sick of this shit I can't stand that motherfucker.
35
[Bone is smoking a cigarette with his friends] Bone: You got business here, Rookie? Jake Hoyt: I'm here for Alonzo.
36
Alonzo Harris: Hey, first Damu puts one in his head... I'll make you a rich man. Bone: You got us twisted, homey. You got to put your own work in around here. Alonzo Harris: All right, it's like that, Bone ? Bone: It's like that.
37
Bone: Jake, go ahead and bounce, homey. Get up out of here. We got your back. Alonzo Harris: What? Bone: It's like that.
38
[last lines] Alonzo Harris: What a day. What a motherfuckin' day.
(2 votes)
39
Alonzo: You gonna bust your cherry killing a cop? You know what you get for that, Jake? The gas chamber. You know what the gas chamber smells like? Pine oil. I'ma send you to a pine oil heaven. I'ma get get that gun and I'ma get that money, and you ain't gon' do shit 'cause you ain't gon' shoot a cop in the back.
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