Martin Riggs: You wanna get married, don'tcha? Lorna: Yes I do. Martin Riggs: Why didn't you tell me? Lorna: Because I didn't want to put any pressure on you, Riggs. I mean, if you want to someday, that'd be great; if you don't, I love you. I'll take you any way I can get you, Riggs.
(18 votes)
2
Lee Butters: Somebody took my phone number and called Afghanistan. Afghanastan. I've never talked to anyone in Afghanistan, I don't know nobody in Afghanistan, and even if did know anyone, I wouldn't talk to that Afghan ass for three hours. I won't talk to my daddy for three hours.
(15 votes)
3
Martin Riggs: So this must have been what Uncle Benny meant by Four Fathers. Looks like Japan's version of the Marx brothers. Let's see we got Groucho, Harpo, Chico, and uh, Fucko.
(14 votes)
4
Roger Murtaugh: What the hell? Who's this joker? Martin Riggs: I don't know, spokesman for the NRA, maybe. Roger Murtaugh: What do we do? Martin Riggs: Run him over. Roger Murtaugh: What if he turns around and shoots us with that assault rifle? Martin Riggs: Well he hasn't yet. Have you thought about that? Don't be a don't-be, be a do-be. C'mon Rodge, be POSITIVE. Roger Murtaugh: WELL LET'S RUN HIM OVER. Martin Riggs: Good, I'm glad you see things my way. Roger Murtaugh: I hope he doesn't turn around. Martin Riggs: He won't turn around.We'll creep up on him. WILL him not to turn. Roger Murtaugh: Will him? Martin Riggs: Yeah, power of positive thinking. C'mon WILL him not to turn. DON'T TURN AROUND, DON'T TURN AROUND. C'mon I need you man. Roger Murtaugh: DON'T TURN AROUND. Martin Riggs: That's it. DON'T TURN AROUND. DON'T TURN AROUND. We're better than him. Roger Murtaugh: DON'T TURN AROUND. Martin Riggs: YEAH. DON'T TURN AROUND. DON'T TURN AROUND. He's turning.
(12 votes)
5
Leo Getz: Leo Getz, private investigator. Martin Riggs: Ah, private investigator? Yes, Mr. Getz, I was just wondering if you'd be willing to investigate my privates. Leo Getz: Investigate what? Martin Riggs: Investigate my privates, you stupid shit.
(12 votes)
6
Dr. Stephanie Woods: My time is reserved for police officers with REAL problems and REAL needs. HAVE YOU GOT THAT? HAVE YOU? Martin Riggs: Care to run that by me again? Dr. Stephanie Woods: No. And do you know what? I don't like you. Martin Riggs: Stephanie, I CAN'T go out with you. I'm in a relationship, I'm VERY happy. Now you'll find somebody someday, but you've got to stop bothering me. Dr. Stephanie Woods: [painfully embarrassed] You're disgusting. YOU'RE DISGUSTING. What's the matter with you people?
7
[Handing R&M their captain's badges] Capt. Ed Murphy: This is one of the most painful fuckin' experiences of my life.
8
[Looking at a corpse] Butters: Ah, shit. He's dead, man. He's fuckin' dead, man. Yeah, this is how he wanted to come to America, right? Where was he, in The Killing Section? This guy's been shot 4 times. At close range, like he was executed. Roger Murtaugh: He WAS executed. Martin Riggs: Yeah, by the crew. Butters: What the FUCK, man? We got people gettin' killed left, right and center in this town; now we're IMPORTING victims? Hey, gangbangers wanna kill each other? No problem. You or me, one of us gets shot? Hey, occupational hazard. But just a normal guy, THIS fuckin' guy? What the fuck did he ever do to anybody? That ain't right.
9
Roger Murtaugh: What do we do? Martin Riggs: Run him over. Roger Murtaugh: What if he turns around and shoots us with that assault rifle? Martin Riggs: He HASN'T yet. Have you thought about that? Don't be a don't-be, be a do-be. C'm on, Rog, be POSITIVE, now.
10
Leo Getz: Hey maybe we'll work together some day. I'm da bomb. They'll tell ya. Lee Butters: Yeah, we're gonna be working alright, as soon as I open a cereal shop, ya fuckin' leprechaun. Leo Getz: Hey, I didn't call you anything ya fuckface. Don't start that now.
11
Leo Getz: They fuck you with cell phones. That's what it is. They're fuckin' you with the cell phone. They love it when you get cut off. Y'know why, huh? You know why? 'Cause when you call back - -which they know you're gonna do. - -they charge you for that fuckin' first minute again at that high rate.
12
Lorna Cole: Nothing comes between a pregnant lady and a meal.
13
Roger Murtaugh: Since I met Riggs, I've had my house destroyed, my car wrecked, and now my BOAT SUNK. What's left? Leo Getz: I think that's about it.
14
Martin Riggs: I'll draw his fire and you run for cover. Roger Murtaugh: No. No, no, no. *I'll* draw his fire and *you* run for cover. Martin Riggs: What are you, out of your mind? You got a wife, kids. I got a lot less to lose than you. Roger Murtaugh: Riggs, I wasn't supposed to tell you this, but Lorna's pregnant and you're gonna be a father. Martin Riggs: No. Get going. Get... what did you say? Roger Murtaugh: You're gonna be a father.
15
[Interrogating Uncle Benny in a dentist's office full of nitrous oxide] Uncle Benny: I'm sleeping with my wife's two sisters. Roger Murtaugh: You lucky sonofabitch. Martin Riggs: Good for you, Uncle Benny. Uncle Benny: Not so good when my wife finds out.
16
Leo Getz: Hey Riggs, who's the perp? What did ya bust him for? Lee Butters: Oh, I'm a perp? You see a young brother in the back of a police car, automatically I'm a perp. Look at my suit, look at my tie. What do I look like, the fuckin' Crip's accountant? Look at this badge, bitch. Check out the gun. Leo Getz: Whoa, hey hey hey, put the gun down, put the gun down.
17
Lee Butters: It's about time they poured in some new blood. I just don't want it coming out of me.
18
Lorna Cole: I am getting married or there is no baby.
19
Leo Getz: They fuck ya, they fuck ya, they fuck ya.
20
Martin Riggs: I'm not too old for this shit.
21
Roger Murtaugh: You okay Riggs? Martin Riggs: No, I'm NOT okay. I just has my ass kicked again.
22
Lee Butters: You have the right to remain silent. So shut the fuck up. You have the right to an attorney. If you can't afford an attorney, we will provide you with the dumbest fucking lawyer on earth. If you get Johnny Cochrane, I'll kill ya.
23
Martin Riggs: It's like... Roger Murtaugh: You're getting too old for this shit. Martin Riggs: Yeah. Roger Murtaugh: How about that? Finally. Martin Riggs: No, I can't be. I mean, I'm only... Jesus. Roger Murtaugh: Yeah, you're only. You can't beat the clock, Riggs.
24
Capt. Ed Murphy: We're dinosaurs headed for extinction. Martin Riggs: Speak for yourself... Capt. Ed Murphy: Gotta make way for the NEW-IMPROVED police department; guys with guns and psychology degrees, like Butters, out there. Martin Riggs: Biter has a psychology degree? Roger Murtaugh: More like a PSYCHO degree. Capt. Ed Murphy: Ah, hell, I got nothin' against it; times have gotta change. Hey, I almost got shot by a hot-rodder with a zip gun; that's how far back *I* go.
25
Roger Murtaugh: Since I met you, I done some hairy shit, but this is not gonna happen. I'm gonna be a grandfather; you and Lorna are gonna have a baby. He ain't worth dying for, Riggs. He ain't worth it. Martin Riggs: Yeah, yeah, you're right. Hey, if he gets away, we can track him down later on with a - you know, with a Howitzer or somethin'. Your son-in-law's over there bleedin', we should get him and get the hell out of here. Anyway, it's rainin'. Roger Murtaugh: Yeah, it's rainin'. Martin Riggs: I'm too old for this shit, too. Roger Murtaugh: Guy's too damned good. Martin Riggs: Well, yeah, he's damn good. I mean, how did he do that thing with the gun? How the hell did he do that? I mean, he took my gun apart with one deft move. How did he do that? Huh? How? Roger Murtaugh: Yeah... okay. Let's go ask him.
26
Lorna Cole: What happened last night? Martin Riggs: Oh, gunfight, explosions, sharks, you know, the usual.
27
Martin Riggs: You sure picked a strange angel, baby. But I got the message.
28
[Leo tries to find his bags on Roger's boat] Leo: Okay, you said "aft," right? Roger Murtaugh: A-F-T. Aft. Leo: That's a fucking word? Roger Murtaugh: In the back of the cabin on the right side, Leo. Leo: Well, why didn't you say that in the first place, ROGER? I love these people. Put them around boats and water and all of the sudden everything becomes fucking nautical. "Astern. Avast you landlubbers. Man the bilge pumps." Pump your fucking ass.
29
Wah Sing Ku: If this was Hong Kong, you'd already be dead
30
Roger Murtaugh: Hey Riggs, why did you call him my son-in-law? Lee Butters: 'Cause I aaaam.
31
Martin Riggs: What's goin' on Rog, why you lyin' to me? Where's the money coming from? IA says you're on the take. Roger Murtaugh: You ever hear of Ebony Clarke? Martin Riggs: Yeah, she writes those cheesy sex novels... why? You boinkin' her? Roger Murtaugh: No I'm not boinkin' her, Trish is Ebony Clarke. Martin Riggs: You *are* boinkin' her. Roger Murtaugh: [big grin] Yeah, Yeah I'm boinkin' her.
32
Martin Riggs: Flied lice? Uncle Benny: Flied lice? It's fried rice, you plick.
33
[pulling his gun on Leo] Lee Butters: License. Registration. Urine sample.
34
[Butters is pointing a gun at Leo's head after being mistaken for a perp] Butters: License. Registration. Urine Sample. Leo: Hey, hey, hey, German Jews didn't have it any easier when we were kids, so don't think you're the only one, okay? Okay? Besides, I was just kiddin' with ya. I can smell a cop a mile away. Butters: Oh, I smell bad, what'chu trying to say? Leo: Well, stop turning everything around. You're so damned touchy. Hey, we might even work together, me and those two work together, I'm the bomb, they'll tell ya, I'm great. Butters: Yeah, we're gonna work together as soon as I open up a cereal factory, ya fucking leprechaun.
35
[interrogating Uncle Benny at a private dentist's office after accidentally filling the room with nitrous oxide] Roger Murtaugh: [laughing and pointing to the gas mask that Butters is holding] Hey... Hey, what's that you got there? Butters: [laughing] Uh... A nut cup? I got some big nuts. [Roger takes the mask from Butters and inhales deeply] Roger Murtaugh: That's nitro... oxide? Butters: [laughing harder] It's laughing gas. Roger Murtaugh: [hysterical] We... W-W-We're stoned.
36
Martin Riggs: Plus they shot at me and Rogee and that pisses us off. Uncle Benny: Really, too bad they missed!
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