Other Titles • Tomorrow Never Dies • Bond 18 (1996)
Quotes from Tomorrow Never Dies (1997)
1
Elliot Carver: Good morning, my golden retrievers. What kind of havoc shall the Carver Media Group create in the world today? News? Newsman: Floods in Pakistan, riots in Paris, and a plane crash in California. Elliot Carver: Excellent.
(57 votes)
2
Paris Carver: I used to look in the papers every day for your obituary. James Bond: Sorry to disappoint.
(51 votes)
3
Jack Wade: You know that, officially, Uncle Sam is completely neutral in this turkey shoot. James Bond: And unofficially? Jack Wade: We have no interest in seeing World War III - unless we start it.
(52 votes)
4
Elliot Carver: Mr. Wallace, call the President. Tell him if he doesn't sign the bill lowering the cable rates, we will release the video of him with the cheerleader in the Chicago motel room. Mr. Wallace: Inspired, sir. Elliot Carver: And after he signs the bill, release the tape anyway. Mr. Wallace: Consider him slimed.
(53 votes)
5
Elliot Carver: The distance between insanity and genius is measured only by success.
(46 votes)
6
Admiral Roebuck: With all due respect, M, I think you don't have the balls for this job. M: Maybe. But the advantage is, I don't have to think with them all the time.
7
[Making love to his language tutor] James Bond: I always enjoyed learning a new tongue.
8
Elliot Carver: Mr. Jones, are we ready to release our new software? Jones: Yes, sir. As requested, it's full of bugs, which means people will be forced to upgrade for years. Elliot Carver: Outstanding.
9
Moneypenny: You always were a cunning linguist, James. [M walks up from behind Moneypenny] Moneypenny: Don't ask. M: Don't tell.
10
Q: It's the insurance damage waiver for your beautiful new car. Now, will you need collision coverage? James Bond: Yes. Q: Fire? James Bond: Probably. Q: Property destruction? James Bond: Definitely. Q: Personal Injury? James Bond: I hope not, but accidents do happen. Q: They frequently do with you. James Bond: Well, that takes care of the normal wear-and-tear. Is there any other protection I need? Q: Only from me 007, unless you bring that car back in pristine order.
11
[Paris slaps James Bond] James Bond: Was it something I said? Paris Carver: How about the words, "I'll be right back"?
12
James Bond: You forgot the first rule of mass media, Elliot: give the people what they want.
13
James Bond: It won't look like a suicide if you shoot me from over there. Dr. Kaufman: I am a professor of forensic medicine. Believe me, Mr. Bond, I could shoot you from Stuttgart und still create ze proper effect.
14
James Bond: Another Carver building. If I didn't know better, I'd say he developed an edifice complex.
15
James Bond: You were pretty good with that hook. Wai-Lin: Thanks. It comes from growing up in a rough neighborhood. You were pretty good on the bike. James Bond: Thank you. It comes from not growing up at all.
16
[last lines] Wai-Lin: They're looking for us, James. James Bond: Let's stay under cover.
17
Paris Carver: This job of yours... it's murder on relationships.
18
Mr. Stamper: I owe you an unpleasant death, Mr. Bond.
19
Paris Carver: Tell me, James: do you still sleep with a gun under your pillow?
20
Dr. Kaufman: This is very embarrassing. It seems there is a red box they need in your car, only they can't get it open. They want me to get you to tell how to open it. I feel like an idiot, I don't know what to say. [Bond just smiles] Dr. Kaufman: I am to torture you if you don't do it. James Bond: Do you have a doctorate in that as well? Dr. Kaufman: No, no this is more like a hobby... but I am very gifted. James Bond: Oh, I believe you.
21
Gupta: I call it "Gupta's Law of Convienient Anomlies" - if it looks too god to be true, it probably is.
22
James Bond: [after throwing a bad guy into a printing press] They'll print anything these days.
23
Elliot Carver: According to Eastern philosophy, the body has twelve different chakra points. Energy centers, the heart, genitals, et cetera. The purpose of these implements is to probe those organs, inflicting the maximum amount of pain while keeping the victim alive for as long as possible. Mr. Stamper: Dr. Kaufman's record was fifty-two hours. I'm hoping to break it. James Bond: I would have thought watching your TV shows was torture enough.
24
Elliot Carver: There's no news like bad news.
25
Elliot Carver: Soon I'll have reached out to and influenced more people than anybody in the history of this planet, save God himself. And the best he ever managed was the Sermon on the Mount.
26
Elliot Carver: Don't you realise how absurd your position is? James Bond: No more absurd than starting a war for ratings.
27
James Bond: Are you sure you can do this on your own? Wai-Lin: It depends whether your mission is peace or revenge. James Bond: This is about stopping a war.
28
Admiral Roebuck: [to Russian General] Can't you people keep anything locked up?
29
[Bond's transmission has shown a known terrorist holding a missing American GPS encoding device] M: I wonder what will upset them more, that the CIA lost it, or that we found it.
30
Q: Here's your cell phone. Talk here, listen here. James Bond: So that's what I've been doing wrong for all these years?
31
James Bond: Now I think we can understand each other. Q: Grow up, 007.
32
[referring to the headline "The Empire WILL strike back"] Elliot Carver: I rather like the last one. It isn't even mine.
33
Wai Lin: [bobbing in the South China Sea in scuba gear] Still interested in hostile takeovers? James Bond: It's the opportunities for travel, that I like best about banking.
34
Wai Lin: [straddling Bond on a motorcycle] Don't get any ideas, Mr Bond. James Bond: I wouldn't dream of it.
35
Wai Lin: It's mostly dull routine, of course. But every now and then, you get to sail on a beautiful evening like this, and sometimes work with the decadent agent of a corrupt Western power. James Bond: And they say Communists don't know how to have fun... If I may say so, you've found the right decadent corrupt Western agent as a partner.
36
Elliot Carver: [referring to Bond and Wai Lin] Mr Stamper, would you please kill those bastards!
37
[the Royal Navy has launched a cruise missile at a terrorist site Bond is surveying - Robinson gets on communications line with Bond] Charles Robinson: White knight, 4 minutes to impact. Get out of there. [pause] Charles Robinson: Yes, dammit, I know what it is, it's on the screen in front of me. It's a jeep in front of a plane! Now get the hell OUT of there! Admiral Roebuck: What the hell is going on? Charles Robinson: [to Bond] You will NOT wait! That is an order! Admiral Roebuck: What is your man waiting for? Charles Robinson: White Knight? [Robinson reacts with horror to something on the screen] Charles Robinson: Oh my God, those are Soviet SB-5 nuclear torpedoes! If the cruise hits them... M: Order them to abort the missile! Admiral Roebuck: [picks up phone] HMS Chester, urgent, Abort missile! Abort missile!
38
Adm. Kelly - HMS Bedford: Now, Captain? Whatever the hell that thing is, sink it.
39
Dr. Kaufman: My art is in great demand, Mr. Bond. I go all over the world. I am especially good at the celebrity overdose.
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