Donny: Are these the Nazis, Walter? Walter Sobchak: No, Donny, these men are nihilists. There's nothing to be afraid of.
(128 votes)
2
The Dude: Jesus, man, could you change the channel? Cab Driver: Fuck you man. If you don't like my fuckin' music get your own fuckin' cab! The Dude: I had a rough... Cab Driver: I pull over and kick your ass out! The Dude: Come on, man. I had a rough night and I hate the fuckin' Eagles, man!
(136 votes)
3
Jesus Quintana: You ready to be fucked, man? I see you rolled your way into the semis. Dios mio, man. Liam and me, we're gonna fuck you up. The Dude: Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man. Jesus Quintana: Let me tell you something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you, stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger 'til it goes "click." The Dude: Jesus. Jesus Quintana: You said it, man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus. Walter Sobchak: Eight-year-olds, Dude.
(151 votes)
4
Walter Sobchak: I'm saying, I see what you're getting at, Dude, he kept the money. My point is, here we are, it's shabbas, the sabbath, which I'm allowed to break only if it's a matter of life or death... The Dude: Will you come off it, Walter? You're not even fucking Jewish, man. Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talkin' about? The Dude: Man, you're fucking Polish Catholic... Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talking about? I converted when I married Cynthia! Come on, Dude! The Dude: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah... Walter Sobchak: And you know this! The Dude: Yeah, and five fucking years ago you were divorced. Walter Sobchak: So what are you saying? When you get divorced you turn in your library card? You get a new license? You stop being Jewish? The Dude: It's all a part of your sick Cynthia thing, man. Taking care of her fucking dog. Going to her fucking synagogue. You're living in the fucking past. Walter Sobchak: Three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax... [shouting] Walter Sobchak: You're goddamn right I'm living in the fucking past!
(132 votes)
5
"No, Donny, these men are Nihilists. Nothing to be afraid of."--Walter
(129 votes)
6
[destroying a Corvette] Walter Sobchak: Do you see what happens, Larry? Do you see what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!
(13 votes)
7
The Dude: Walter, ya know, it's Smokey, so his toe slipped over the line a little, big deal. It's just a game, man. Walter Sobchak: Dude, this is a league game, this determines who enters the next round robin. Am I wrong? Am I wrong? Smokey: Yeah, but I wasn't over. Gimme the marker Dude, I'm marking it 8. Walter Sobchak: [pulls out a gun] Smokey, my friend, you are entering a world of pain. The Dude: Walter... Walter Sobchak: You mark that frame an 8, and you're entering a world of pain. Smokey: I'm not... Walter Sobchak: A world of pain. Smokey: Dude, he's your partner... Walter Sobchak: [shouting] Has the whole world gone crazy? Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules? Mark it zero! The Dude: They're calling the cops, put the piece away. Walter Sobchak: Mark it zero! [points gun in Smokey's face] Smokey: Walter... Smokey: [shouting] You think I'm fucking around here? Mark it zero! Smokey: All right, it's fucking zero. Are you happy, you crazy fuck? Walter Sobchak: ...It's a league game, Smokey.
(15 votes)
8
Walter Sobchak: I told those fucks down at the league office a thousand times that I don't roll on Shabbos! Donny: What's Shabbos? Walter Sobchak: Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don't work, I don't get in a car, I don't ride in a car, I don't pick up the phone, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit [shouts] Walter Sobchak: don't fucking roll! Shomer shabbos!
(8 votes)
9
Walter Sobchak: Fucking dipshit with a nine toed woman.
(9 votes)
10
The Dude: Walter, what is the point? Look, we all know who is at fault here, what the fuck are you talking about? Walter Sobchak: Huh? No, what the fuck are you... I'm not... We're talking about unchecked aggression here, dude. Donny: What the fuck is he talking about? The Dude: My rug. Walter Sobchak: Forget it, Donny, you're out of your element! The Dude: Walter, the chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill, so what the fuck are you talking about? Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talking about? The chinaman is not the issue here, dude. I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, dude. Across this line, you DO NOT... Also, dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please. The Dude: Jeez, Walter, I'm not talking about the guys who built the fucking railroad here.
(10 votes)
11
[Maude shows the porn video starring Bunny to the Dude] Sherry in 'Logjammin': [on video] You must be here to fix the cable. Maude Lebowski: Lord. You can imagine where it goes from here. The Dude: He fixes the cable? Maude Lebowski: Don't be fatuous, Jeffrey.
(7 votes)
12
The Dude: [repeated line by The Dude and others] That rug really tied the room together.
(10 votes)
13
The Dude: It's like what Lenin said... you look for the person who will benefit, and, uh, uh... Donny: I am the walrus. The Dude: You know what I'm trying to say... Walter Sobchak: That fucking bitch... Donny: I am the walrus. Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny! V.I. Lenin. Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov!
(6 votes)
14
"You're entering a world of pain."--Walter to a child
(9 votes)
15
Maude Lebowski: What do you do for recreation? The Dude: Oh, the usual. I bowl. Drive around. The occasional acid flashback.
(6 votes)
16
"The Dude abides. I don't know about you, but I take comfort in that."--The Stranger (Sam Elliott)
(8 votes)
17
Donny: Phone's ringing, Dude. The Dude: Thank you, Donny.
(7 votes)
18
Walter Sobchak: You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me. The Dude: Yeah, but Walter... Walter Sobchak: Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon... with nail polish.
(5 votes)
19
Nihilist #3: I fucks you in the ass, I fucks you in the ass, I fucks you, I fucks you, I fucks you, I fucks...
(5 votes)
20
[being forced into a limousine] The Dude: Hey, careful, man, there's a beverage here!
(6 votes)
21
Walter Sobchak: Fuck it, Dude, let's go bowling.
(4 votes)
22
"Nobody calls me Lebowski. You got the wrong guy. I'm the Dude, man."--The Dude (Jeff Bridges) to Treehorn's thug
(6 votes)
23
The Dude: God damn you Walter! You fuckin' asshole! Everything's a fuckin' travesty with you, man! And what was all that shit about Vietnam? What the FUCK, has anything got to do with Vietnam? What the fuck are you talking about?
(3 votes)
24
Walter Sobchak: Nihilists! Fuck me. I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.
(3 votes)
25
"I don't roll on Shabbos!"--Walter to Donny (Steve Buscemi), upon realizing he's scheduled to bowl on the Jewish Sabbath
(6 votes)
26
"That rug really tied the room together, did it not?"--Walter (John Goodman)
(5 votes)
27
"Freakin' a..."--The Dude
(4 votes)
28
"All the Dude ever wanted was his rug back."--The Dude to Jackie Treehorn (Ben Gazzara)
(4 votes)
29
"Are these the Nazis, Walter?"--Donny
(3 votes)
30
The Dude: That's a great plan, Walter. That's fuckin' ingenious, if I understand it correctly. It's a Swiss fuckin' watch.
(2 votes)
31
The Dude: Who the fuck are the Knutsens?
(2 votes)
32
The Dude: Fuck sympathy! I don't need your fuckin' sympathy, man, I need my fucking johnson! Donny: What do you need that for, Dude?
33
Walter Sobchak: [shouted repeatedly while smashing a car with a tire iron] [shouts] Walter Sobchak: This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!
34
The Dude: Also, my rug was stolen. Younger Cop: The rug was in the car? The Dude: No. It was here. Younger Cop: [eager] Oh, separate incidents. Maude Lebowski: [on answering machine] Jeffrey, this is Maude Lebowski. I need to see you. I'm the one who took your rug. Younger Cop: Well. I guess we can close the books on that one.
35
The Dude: These are, uh... Brandt: Oh, those are Mr Lebowski's children, so to speak. The Dude: Different mothers, huh? Brandt: No. The Dude: Racially he's pretty cool? Brandt: [laughs] They're not literally his children. They're the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers - inner city children of promise but without the necessary means for a higher education. So Mr Lebowski is committed to sending all of them to college.
36
Blond Treehorn Thug: [holding up a bowling ball] What the fuck is this? The Dude: Obviously you're not a golfer.
37
Brandt: Well, Dude, we just don't know.
38
The Dude: Look, just stay away from my fucking lady friend. Da Fino: Hey, I'm not messing with your special lady. The Dude: She's not my special lady, she's my fucking lady friend. I'm just helping her conceive.
39
[the Dude, Walter, and Donny walk out of the bowling alley, to find the three Nihilists waiting in front of the Dude's car, which has been torched] The Dude: Well, they finally did it. They killed my fucking car. Nihilist: Ve vant ze money, Lebowski. Nihilist #2: Ja, uzzervize ve kill ze girl. Nihilist #3: Ja, it seems you have forgotten our little deal, Lebowski. The Dude: You don't HAVE the fucking girl, dipshits! We know you never did! [the Nihilists, stunned, confer amongst themselves in German] Donny: Are these the Nazis, Walter? Walter Sobchak: No, Donny, these men are nihilists, there's nothing to be afraid of. Nihilist: Ve don't care. Ve still vant ze money, Lebowski, or ve fuck you up. Walter Sobchak: Fuck you. Fuck the three of you. The Dude: Hey, cool it Walter. Walter Sobchak: No, without a hostage, there is no ransom. That's what ransom is. Those are the fucking rules. Nihilist #2: His girlfriend gave up her toe! Nihilist #3: She though we'd be getting million dollars! Nihilist #2: Iss not fair! Walter Sobchak: Fair! WHO'S THE FUCKING NIHILIST HERE! WHAT ARE YOU, A BUNCH OF FUCKING CRYBABIES? The Dude: Hey, cool it Walter. Look, pal, there never was any money. The big Lebowski gave me an empty briefcase, so take it up with him, man. Walter Sobchak: And, I would like my undies back. [Stunned, the Germans confer amongst themselves again] Donny: Are they gonna hurt us, Walter? Walter Sobchak: No, Donny. These men are cowards. Nihilist: Okay. So we take ze money you haf on you, und ve calls it eefen. Walter Sobchak: Fuck you.
40
[when making the payoff] The Dude: Dude. Nihilist: [on the phone] Who is this? The Dude: Dude. The bag man, man. Where do you want us to go? Nihilist: Us? The Dude: [to Walter] Shit! [to Nihilist] The Dude: Uh. Yeah, uh. Me and, uh, the driver. I'm not handling the money, driving the car and talking on the phone all at the same time. Nihilist: Shut the fuck up. Walter Sobchak: Dude, are you fucking this up? Nihilist: Who the fuck is that? The Dude: That is the driver. [Nihilist hangs up] The Dude: Shit! Walter, you fuck... you fucked it up! You fucked it up! Her life was in our hands, man! Walter Sobchak: Nothing is fucked here, Dude. Come on, you're being very un-Dude. They'll call back.
41
[repeated line] Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny.
42
The Dude: And, you know, he's got emotional problems, man. Walter Sobchak: You mean... beyond pacifism?
43
Jesus Quintana: What's this day of rest shit? What's this bullshit? I don't fuckin' care! It don't matter to Jesus. But you're not foolin' me, man. You might fool the fucks in the league office, but you don't fool Jesus. This bush league psyche-out stuff. Laughable, man - ha ha! I would have fucked you in the ass Saturday. I fuck you in the ass next Wednesday instead. Wooo! You got a date Wednesday, baby!
44
The Dude: Fuckin' Quintana... that creep can roll, man. Walter Sobchak: Yeah, but he's a pervert, Dude. The Dude: Yeah. Walter Sobchak: No, he's a sex offender. With a record. He served 6 months in Chino for exposing himself to an eight year old. The Dude: Oh! Walter Sobchak: When he moved to Hollywood he had to go door to door to tell everyone he was a pederast. Donny: What's a... pederast, Walter? Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny.
45
The Dude: What's in the fuckin' carrier? Walter Sobchak: Huh? Oh, that's Cynthia's dog. I think it's a Pomeranian. I can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture. I'm watching him while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii. The Dude: You brought the fuckin' Pomeranian bowling? Walter Sobchak: What do you mean brought it bowling, Dude? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. He's not taking your fucking turn, Dude. The Dude: Man, if my fuckin' ex-wife asked me to take care of her fuckin' dog while she and her boyfriend went to Honolulu I'd tell her to go fuck herself.
46
The Dude: I mean we totally fucked it up man, we fucked up this payoff, we got the kidnappers all mad at us, and Lebowski, ya know, he yelled at me a lot but he didn't do anything, huh? Walter Sobchak: Well, sometimes, it's a cathartic... The Dude: No, I'm saying, if he knows I'm a fuck-up, why does he leave me in charge of getting his wife back? Because he doesn't fucking want her back! He no longer digs her, it's all a show! Ok, so then why doesn't he give a shit about his million bucks? I mean, he knows we never handed off the briefcase, but he never asked for it back. The million bucks was never in the briefcase! The asshole was hoping that they would kill her! You threw out a ringer for a ringer!
47
Walter Sobchak: You have got to buck up, man. You cannot drag this negative energy in to the tournament! The Dude: Fuck the tournament... Fuck YOU, Walter! [pause] Walter Sobchak: Fuck the tournament? All right, I can see you don't want to be consoled here, Dude. Come on Donny, let's go get us a lane.
48
Tony the Chauffeur: So he says "My wife's a pain in the ass. She's always busting my friggin' agates. My daughter's married to a real loser bastard. And I got a rash so bad on my ass, I can't even sit down. But you know me. I can't complain." The Dude: Fuckin' A, man. I got a rash, man.
49
The Dude: Nobody calls me Lebowski. You got the wrong guy. I'm the Dude, man. Blond Treehorn Thug: Your name's Lebowski, Lebowski. Your wife is Bunny. The Dude: My... my wi-, my wife, Bunny? Do you see a wedding ring on my finger? Does this place look like I'm fucking married? The toilet seat's up, man!
50
Walter Sobchak: Fucking Germans. Nothing changes. Fucking Nazis. Donny: They were Nazis, Dude? Walter Sobchak: Oh, come on Donny, they were threatening castration!
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