Haru: I have traveled many miles and now have come disguised as a pimp to help you.
(6 votes)
2
Chet Walters: Hey, nice coat. Who shot the couch?
(2 votes)
3
Haru: Hey, you hear the one about the lady who backed into a fan? It was a disaster. "Dis-assed" her.
4
Desk Manager: Perhaps I shall send some Dom Perignon up to your room. Haru: I prefer to be alone tonight, perhaps later I will meet your friend Don.
5
Haru: [Joey is chasing a chicken] Keep practicing, Joey, and someday you will choke that chicken.
6
Sensei: I tried to stop this mission because I feared for you, but I was wrong, you must continue. It is your duty as a ninja. Haru: Sensei, you called me a ninja. Sensei: Yes, I guess I did.
7
Haru: Do not worry. A ninja knows when he is in danger. [Tanley and his men fire machine guns at them] Haru: Now we are in danger. We are really in danger.
8
Haru: I may not be a great ninja; I may not be one with the universe; but I will say this: NO ONE MESSES WITH MY BROTHER.
9
Haru: I am one with the universe. I am one with the universe. [Sees a stripper] Haru: NO I AM NOT.
10
Allison: Our car broke down, could we use the phone? Chet Walters: Oh, car trouble? Don't get me started. I got a 1975 Fairmont that's as hard to turn over as me on Laguna Beach.
11
Sensei: Twenty five years ago, an ancient legend of this sacred art came alive. It spoke of a foreign child who would come among us and become a Ninja master unlike any other. How he arrived on our shores will forever remain a mystery. We Ninjas thought that this child would be the great white Ninja of the legend. We were wrong. We were very wrong.
12
Joey: Do you know what I do everyday once I leave here? Haru: No, what? Joey: I'm running. I'm always running, man. My neighborhood's bad, Man, I gotta run to get cigarettes, I gotta run to get milk, I gotta run to take out the trash. Know why? Because whenever I leave my house, there's somebody out there just waiting to kick my ass.
13
Haru: The blackness of my belt is like the inside of a coffin on a moonless night. Joey: That's pretty black, Man. Haru: It is a black art, and I, Haru, am the blackest of the black. Or rather the great white black art... Blackest... Master.
14
Haru: I am sure you would like to know who I am and what I do, but as part of my creed, I cannot tell you. See my identity must remain mysterious and my mission secret, I cannot reveal it to you. Boy: Why not? Haru: Because I would then have to kill you. Boy: Daddy.
15
[Sensei asks Gobei to be honest to him when asking about Haru] Gobei: I love my little brother. His determination is like a tiger, swift as a... Sensei: GOBEI. Gobei: He's fat. He's a fool. He's an embarassment to all ninjas everywhere.
16
Haru: Okey dokey, lets see what we got baking in the oven. Yeah, ya, ya, ya, ya. Not yet a match. Ok well, it looks like we are about one degree Celsius off on that ah magenta color. What I can do is quantify the 7F reading. To me they're just a little bit off, what I can do on that is run a pap smear, and that should even it out.
17
Haru: Oh I see you got the R2347ST Printing press. This thing came out the same time I was printing leaflets for the Shave the Whales Foundation. Martin Tanley: You mean Save the Whales. Haru: Oh is that what you did with them, maybe it was starve the whales, starve the whales.
18
Haru: Sensei, she is incapable of such things. She is as lovely as a dove. Sensei: It sounds to me you are being lead around by your short sword.
19
Sensei: You must stop comparing yourself to Gobei! Haru: But why, master? He is the best ninja. Sensei: We would all be fortunate to have a heart as big as yours, Haru.
20
Haru: Haru, you are truly the Great White Ninja. [Haru laughs, turns around, and sees Tanley's men staring at him with their arms folded] Haru: Did I say "ninja"? I meant "ninny". Haru, you are such a ninny.
21
Haru: You may subject me to any torture you can think of, but a ninja does not talk! Martin Tanley: Ninja? You're a ninja? You're the big fat ninja everyone's talking about, aren't you? Haru: Great White Ninja.
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