[last lines] Seth: I may be a bastard, but I'm not a fuckin' bastard.
(41 votes)
2
"I got six little friends, and they can all run faster than you can." -- Seth Gecko (GEORGE CLOONEY), telling a hostage not to try getting away because he's got a gun.
(36 votes)
3
[first lines] Pete Bottoms: Hey, Earl Earl McGraw: Yes, sir. Pete Bottoms: What do ya know? Earl McGraw: Well, it's a hot goddam day
(38 votes)
4
Seth: All right, vampire killers... let's kill some fucking vampires.
(37 votes)
5
Seth: I know that I have put you through hell, and I know that I have been one rough pecker. But from here on, you are all in my cool book.
(36 votes)
6
Seth: Everybody be cool. YOU - be cool.
(7 votes)
7
Earl McGraw: Well, it's been one long goddamn hot miserable shit-ass fuckin' day every inch of the way.
(6 votes)
8
[Richard day-dreaming] Kate: Richie, would you do me a favor and eat my pussy for me... please? Richie: Uhh... sure.
(6 votes)
9
Chet Pussy: Pussy, pussy, pussy! All pussy must go. At the Titty Twister we're slashing pussy in half! This is a pussy blow out! Make us an offer on our vast selection of pussy! We got white pussy, black pussy, Spanish pussy, yellow pussy, hot pussy, cold pussy, wet pussy, tight pussy, big pussy, bloody pussy, fat pussy, hairy pussy, smelly pussy, velvet pussy, silk pussy, Naugahyde pussy, snappin' pussy, horse pussy, dog pussy, chicken pussy, fake pussy! If we don't have it, you don't want it!
(4 votes)
10
Kate: Where are you taking us? Richie: Mexico. Kate: What's in Mexico? Richie: Mexicans.
(2 votes)
11
Seth: So, what's the deal with you two, you a couple of fags? Jacob: He's my son. Seth: Yeah, how'd that happen? You don't look Japanese. Jacob: Neither does he. He looks Chinese. Seth: Oh, well pardon me all to hell.
12
Pete Bottoms: Look, he comes in here everyday. We bullshit, and he's used my bathroom about a thousand times. If I said no this time he'd know somethin' was up. Seth: Okay, I want him out of here, in his car, and down the road or you can change the name of this place to Benny's World of Blood.
13
Seth: Well, your best better get a hell of a lot fucking better, or you are gonna feel a hell of a lot fucking worse.
14
Richie: The Ranger's taking a piss. Why don't I just go there, blow his head off and get outta here. Pete Bottoms: Don't do that! Look, you asked me to act natural, and I'm acting as natural - in fact, under the circumstances, I think I ought get a fuckin' Academy Award for how natural I'm acting.
15
Sex Machine: So what's your name, darlin'? Kate: Kate. What's yours? Sex Machine: Sex Machine, pleased to meet you.
16
[On his impending vampirization] Jacob: I'll be a lap dog of Satan.
17
Kate: What's going on? Richie: We're having a wet bikini contest, and you just won.
18
Seth: [talking to Jacob Fuller about his wife's death in a car crash] Died instantly? Jacob: Not quite. She was trapped in the wreck for about six hours before she passed on. Seth: Whewww! Those acts of God really stick it in and break it off, don't they?
19
Richie: Where are my glasses? Seth: They broke when you fell. Richie: Oh, fuck, Seth, that's my only pair! Seth: Don't worry about it, we'll get you some glasses. Richie: Whatdya mean, don't worry about it. Of course I'm gonna worry about it, I can't fuckin' see. Seth: When we get to El Rey, I'll take care of it. Richie: Yeah, like a Mexican hole-in-the-wall's gonna have my fuckin' prescription.
20
Seth: Shit, I been to bars make this place look like a fuckin' 4-H club. Richie: I gotta say I'm with Jacob on this. I been to some fucked up places in my time, but that place is fucked up.
21
Seth: Now, is my shit together, or is my shit together? Richie: Your shit is forever together!
22
Jacob: Are you so much a fucking loser, you can't tell when you've won? Seth: What did you call me? Jacob: Nothing. I didn't make a statement. I asked a question. Would you like me to ask it again? Very well. Are you such a loser you can't tell when you've won? The entire state of Texas, along with the F.B.I., is looking for you. Did they find you? No. They couldn't. You've won, Seth, enjoy it.
23
Seth: Fight now, cry later.
24
Santanico Pandemonium: I'm not gonna drain you completely. You're gonna turn for me. You'll be my slave. You'll live for me. You'll eat bugs because I order it. Why? Because I don't think you're worthy of human blood. You'll feed on the blood of stray dogs. You'll be my foot stool. And at my command, you'll lick the dog shit from my boot heel. Since you'll be my dog, your new name will be "Spot". Welcome to slavery. Seth: No, thanks. I've already had a wife. [shoots her]
25
Frost: I came to my senses. I realized I killed the entire V.C. Squad singlehanded. There was blood... and chunks of yellow flesh clinging to my bayonet. To this day, I don't remember... [Frost's story get's cut off when Sex Machine bites him; Frost screams; bites Jacob; eventually overpowers Kate and Seth, but not before going toward Scott] Frost: He fuckin' bit me! FUCKIN' BIT ME! Sex Machine: What are you gonna do about it? Frost: Come on, Sex Machine! [Grabs Sex Machine and tosses him to the front doors] Seth: Oh... shit!
26
Kate: Are you okay? Seth: Peachy, Kate. The world's my oyster, except for the fact that I just rammed a wooden stake in my brother's heart because he turned into a vampire, even though I don't believe in vampires. Aside from that unfortunate business, everything's hunky-dory.
27
Seth: Do you have a cross? Jacob: In the Winnebago. Seth: In other words, no. Scott Fuller: What are you talking about? We got crosses all over the place. All you gotta do is put two sticks together and you got a cross. Sex Machine: He's right. Peter Cushing does that all the time. Seth: Okay, I'll buy that.
28
Jacob: Has anybody here read a real book about vampires, or are we just remembering what a movie said? I mean a real book. Sex Machine: You mean like a Time-Life book?
29
Seth: Okay hard drinkers, let's drink hard. I'm buyin'.
30
Carlos: What, were they psychos, or...? Seth: Did they look like psychos? Is that what they looked like? They were vampires. Psychos do not explode when sunlight hits them, I don't give a fuck how crazy they are.
31
[after Richard blows up Benny's World of Liquor] Seth: Low profile. Do you know what the words "low profile" mean?
32
Seth: [to Hostage Gloria] You. Plant yourself in that chair. Hostage Gloria: What are you planning on doing with... Seth: I said plant yourself. Plants don't talk.
33
Seth: Let me explain the house rules. Follow the rules, we'll get along like a house on fire. Rule number one: No noise, no question. You make a noise... [holds up gun] Seth: Mr. .44 makes a noise. You ask a question, Mr. 44 answers it.
34
Richie: Shit, I started to get worried. Where the fuck ya been? Seth: Sight seein'. Richie: What'd ya see? Seth: Cops.
35
Seth: So what are you, Jacob? A faithless preacher? Or a mean motherfuckin' servant of God?
36
Seth: Do you think this is who I am? I am a professional thief, I don't run around killing people I don't have to.
37
Jacob: I'm a mean m... m... servant of God.
38
Seth: If you try to run, I've got six little friends and they can all run faster than you can.
39
Chet Pussy: Attention pussy shoppers! Take advantage of our penny pussy sale! If you buy one piece of pussy at the regular price, you get another piece of pussy of equal or lesser value for only a penny! Try and beat pussy for a penny! If you can find cheaper pussy anywhere, fuck it!
40
Old Timer: God damn you, God damn you... what the hell you want? Seth: What do you think I want, you mean old bastard? I want a fucking room. Old Timer: OK, all right.
41
Jacob: Every person who... chooses the service of God as his life's work has something in common. I don't care if you're a preacher, a priest, a nun, a rabbi or a Buddhist monk. Many, many times during your life you will look at your reflection in a mirror and ask yourself: am I a fool? I'm not going through a lapse; what I've experienced is closer to awakening.
42
Sex Machine: He ain't your brother no more. Seth: Well, that's a matter of opinion and I don't give a fuck about yours.
43
Seth: I wish you the peace in death I could never give you in life.
44
Kate: Seth, should I save the last two bullets for us? Seth: No, use 'em on the next two of these fucks that try to bite you!
45
Seth: All right, ramblers... Let?s get ramblin'.
46
Richie: I told you he said help us. Pete Bottoms: [screaming in pain] I never said help us! Seth: Well that doesn't matter now, because you got about three seconds to fucking live!
47
Richie: "How's your hand, Rich?" It hurts like a fucking son of a bitch, thanks for asking, Seth!
48
Frost: Come on, Sex Machine!
49
Scott Fuller: Kill me, Kate.
50
Earl McGraw: Jesus H. Christ, Pete. When you gonna learn that microwave food'll kill you faster than a bullet? I mean, them damn burritos ain't good for nothing but a hippie, when he's high on weed.
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