Other Titles • The Batman/Superman Movie • Batman/Superman Adventures: World's Finest (1998)
Quotes from The Batman/Superman Movie (1998)
1
[Superman uses x-ray vision to see that Batman is really Bruce Wayne.] Superman: Bruce Wayne! Batman: You peeked.
2
Lois Lane: You lied to me! Bruce Wayne: Now I never actually said I wasn't Batman.
3
Clark Kent: Of course, you have been dividing your time between work and Lois. Bruce Wayne: Is that a problem? Clark Kent: Let's just say I'm concerned. Your reputation is... dubious. In and out of costume. Bruce Wayne: Don't worry. I'm taking Lois quite seriously. Besides, it seems to me you had your chance.
4
Joker: Pay me one billion dollars, and I'll kill Superman! Lex Luthor: What makes you think you can kill Superman when you can't even handle a mere mortal in a Halloween costume? Joker: There's nothing mere about that mortal!
5
[Joker's plane crashes into the sea and explodes.] Harley Quinn: Puddin'! Batman: At this point, he probably is.
6
Harley Quinn: Hang on there, Clyde! Pawn Shop Broker: Sorry, miss, we're closed Harley Quinn: Just look at what I'm selling! You'll plotz!
7
[Batman takes evidence and leaves.] Detective Harvey Bullock: Hey, he can't leave a crime scene with evidence. Commissioner James Gordon: You want to stop him? Be my guest!
8
Terrorist: Let's make an example of this hero... a very tragic example, Miss...? Lois Lane: Lane. Terrorist: Lane? Lois Lane? The one Superman always saves? Lois Lane: 'Fraid so.
9
Lois Lane: Um, Superman. Superman: Yes? Lois Lane: Um, how can I put this: I was just thinking... it might be nice to see each other when I wasn't falling out a window or something. Not that I'm not grateful for all the times you've helped me, you understand. Superman: I understand. Lois Lane: You do?
10
[Lois, kicking herself for asking Superman on a date, talks to herself] Lois Lane: I understand, Lois. Really, you do? Yep, you're a complete moron. Why thank you, Superman, I think I'm a total loser, too. Jeez.
11
Lex Luthor: The office, now. Harley Quinn: Swell, Mr. L. Lex Luthor: Mr. L?
12
[Harley's driving Lex Luthor's limo] Harley Quinn: Whoa, momma, check out the cute hitchhiker! The Joker: [hitchhiking and showing off his gams] Yoo-hoo!
13
The Joker: I sense we are kindred spirits, you and I. Oh, there are differences, to be sure... like hair. [Chuckles and pat's Luthor's bald head]
14
[To Clark Kent, about Bruce Wayne] Lois Lane: I hear he's nothing but Gotham trash. Rich, spoiled... [sees Bruce Wayne disembarking from his jet] Lois Lane: ...and absolutely gorgeous!
15
Bruce Wayne: I don't like guns.
16
Clark Kent: So just keeps your ears open. Let me know if you hear any buzz about The Joker. Bibbo: Sure thing Mr. Kent. Eh, but, eh, which one? There's lots of jokers around here.
17
Batman: Where's the Joker? Binko: Who knows? Makin' ha-ha with Harley Quinn.
18
[Batman holds up a small sliver of Kryptonite to Superman, who buckles.] Batman: It doesn't take much, does it?
19
[After realizing Batman has discovered his identity] Clark Kent: Touché.
20
[To Bruce Wayne, on dating Lois Lane] The Joker: My, you do live dangerously. Don't you realize you're moving in on Superman's main squeeze?
21
[Bruce Wayne topples over the edge of a skyscraper.] The Joker: See that he's street pizza! In this town, some flying fool could have caught him!
22
Lois Lane: [To The Joker] You sick, demented, murdering freak! Harley Quinn: [gasp] How rude!
23
[Batman encourages a Kryptonite-dazed Superman.] Batman: Snap out of it, Kent, or Joker gets the last laugh.
24
Harley Quinn: [holding a gingerbread Batman cookie] Hello, Mr. J. I'm Batman! Eat me! Eat me! Eat me!
25
[The Joker sees Batman fly towards him with a jetpack.] The Joker: Copy-bat! Copy-bat! Suffering from propulsion envy, Batboy?
26
The Joker: Oh, this could be a fair fight after all! And who wants to see that?
27
[Batman and Lois Lane are pursued by a deadly robot.] Batman: How do I contact Superman? Lois Lane: He's out at sea! Batman: Never around when you need him.
28
[Lois Lane discovers Bruce Wayne is Batman.] Lois Lane: So when were you going to tell me? The honeymoon?
29
Lois Lane: I'll get some iodine for that scrape. Burning, STINGING iodine.
30
Batman: It's ironic, you know. She likes Bruce Wayne and she likes Superman. It's the other two guys she's not crazy about. Superman: Too bad we can't mix-and-match.
31
[Batman puts on his cowl, ready to leave. Lois Lane walks in.] Lois Lane: Oh, no. Batman: Has to be done. Lois Lane: I don't suppose a stern lecture on unnecessary risk-taking is going to sway you. Batman: Sorry. Lois Lane: I didn't think so. Just be... [Batman is gone.] Lois Lane: ...careful.
32
Superman: Luthor's been lining all his buildings with lead. Blocks my X-ray vision. Batman: Well, there's always the direct approach. [Superman smashes through the wall. Batman approves.] Batman: You're learning.
33
[Mercy is watching Harley Quinn, on TV, being tossed into a padded wagon in a straightjacket.] Harley Quinn: I want a lawyer! I want a doctor! I want a cheese sandwich! Mercy Graves: Ha, ha, ha! Now that's funny!
34
[Bruce Wayne says good-bye to Clark Kent.] Bruce Wayne: She's all yours now, if you can handle that. But you'd better be good to her... because I know where you live.
35
[Superman has just broken in on the Joker] The Joker: More powerful than a locomotive... and just about as subtle.
36
Superman: Thanks. I couldn't have saved Lois without your help. Batman: I'm aware of that.
37
Batman: Expect the unexpected.
38
Superman: [knocks Batman onto a table] I heard you were crazy, but I didn't think you were stupid.
39
Joker: Ceasar Carlini, my old pal! Why I haven't seen you since... wait, I've never seen you, have I? You need to get out more.
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