Smokey: Remember it ,Write it down, take a picture, I don't give a fuck.
(75 votes)
2
Smokey: Older the berry, the sweeter the juice. Craig Jones: Man, it's the blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice. Smokey: Yeah, well she blacker than a motherfucker too.
(57 votes)
3
Smokey: You got knocked the fuck out... gimme my goddamn money... yeah payback's a motherfucker, Nigga.
(63 votes)
4
Smokey: I know you don't smoke weed, I know this; but I'm gonna get you high today, 'cause it's Friday; you ain't got no job... and you ain't got shit to do.
(51 votes)
5
Smokey: Why you not goin' to work? Craig Jones: I got fired yesterday. Smokey: No shit? I thought you had the day off yesterday. Craig Jones: I did. I went in to pick up my check, came home, my supervisor called me about four o'clock, told me he got me on tape stealing boxes. Smokey: The fuck you stealing boxes for? What you trying to build, a clubhouse?
(27 votes)
6
Craig Jones: We ain't got no sugar. Smokey: No sugar? Damn. Y'all ain't never got two things that match. Either ya got Kool-aid, no sugar. Peanut butter, no jelly. Ham, no burger. Daaamn.
(12 votes)
7
Craig Jones: For most people, Friday's just the day before the weekend. But after this Friday, the neighborhood 'll never be the same.
(16 votes)
8
Smokey: You just got knocked the FUCK out!
(10 votes)
9
Jehovah's Witness: Are you prepared for Jehovah's return? 'Cause if you're not, we've got a pam... [Craig slams the door in their faces] Jehovah's Witness: Well fuck you. Half-dead motherfucker. Come on, sister.
(12 votes)
10
Deebo: What bike? Red: Beach Cruiser, the one I let you use couple of weeks ago... the one I been asking about. Deebo: Oh, *that* bike. Didn't know you wanted it back, homie. It's right here. Follow me, homes. Red: Yeah, it's just like it's both of ours... we just keep it down at my house.
(11 votes)
11
Dad: Every time I come in the kitchen, you in the kitchen. In the goddamn refrigerator. Eatin' up all the food. All the chitlins... All the pig's feet... All the collard greens... All the hog maws. I wanna eat them chitlins... I like pigs feet.
(7 votes)
12
Reverend: What we call drugs at the 74th Street Baptist Church we call the sin of sin sins. Smokey: Well round here, between Normandy and Weston, we call this here a little twenty twen twen... Craig Jones: Right... Smokey: Nigga... Reverend: Give me a little for my cataracts. Smokey: You didn't put in on this man.
(6 votes)
13
Smokey: I got mind control over Deebo. When he say shut up - I be quiet. But when he leave, I be talking again.
(5 votes)
14
Dad: [on toilet] Boy, get your ass in here. I smelled your shit for... 22 years. Now you can smell mine for five minutes.
(8 votes)
15
Red: [after having his necklace snatched by Deebo] Hey, man, why didn't ya' all help me! Smokey: [slouching in his chair] Man, I'm high. Red: Man, that's fucked up. If it was ya' all, I would've helped ya' all. Craig Jones: What about the time he tried to choke me in Smoke's backyard? Red: [pause, thinks about t] Oh, that was different.
(5 votes)
16
Dana Jones: [after Craig punches Deebo out] He thinks he's the Mac... Mr. Jones: Hehe. Macaroni.
(5 votes)
17
Ezal: Smokey, you know I ain't the smartest man in the world, but, from back here it look like you're takin a shit.
Mr. Jones: You win some, you lose some. But you live, you live to fight another day.
(4 votes)
21
Smokey: The weed be lettin' you know... Evil lurks
(4 votes)
22
[Smokey taking a crap outside] Smokey: Ezal don't you tell no one. Ezal: Oh all right... [yelling] Ezal: Hey everybody Smokey is taking a shit. Smokey: Ezel. Ezal: I won't tell anyone else.
(3 votes)
23
Smokey: Me and Deebo, we got about two hundred dollars. Deebo: I got about two hundred dollars.
(3 votes)
24
Smokey: Why don't you tell your daddy to comb his damn hair, look like some spiders is having a meetin' on his head.
(3 votes)
25
Craig Jones: I felt sorry for Smokey, 'cause peer pressure is a motherfucker.
(2 votes)
26
Red: My pops told me to ask for my bike back... you know I wouldn't trip.
(2 votes)
27
Ezal: Smoke, buy me a 40oz for my birthday. Smokey: Today your birthday? Ezal: What's today?
(3 votes)
28
Craig Jones: Mom, loan me 200 dollars. Mrs. Jones: Craig, I wouldn't feel comfortable lending you money without a job. Craig Jones: If I had a job, I wouldn't need to borrow any money. Mrs. Jones: Exactly.
(3 votes)
29
Mr. Jones: I grab a dog. I choke him and I kick the shit out of him. All day long got my foot up a dog's ass. Just bang, bang, bang up his ass. That's my pleasure.
(1 vote)
30
Ezal: Aw, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. God. Oh, I'm hurt. Oh, my neck, my back, my neck and my back. Oh, I want $150,000, but we can settle out of court right now for twenty bucks. Janitor: Man, get your punk ass up. It ain't even wet over here. Damn.
(1 vote)
31
Ezal: you can have your knife back cause I steal I don't kill.
(2 votes)
32
Craig Jones: What I'm trippin on, is how you gonna sell bud, when you smoke it? Smokey: I don't know. That's my only problem. Craig Jones: Big Worm gonna fuck you up. Smokey: Big Worm ain't gonna do a goddamn thing, man. Craig Jones: All right...
(2 votes)
33
Mrs. Jones: Craig, you know what your problem is? You have no game. Craig Jones: What do you know about game? I got ALL the game. Mrs. Jones: Now your father... he has game. Mr. Jones: [coming out of the bathroom] Don't nobody go in the bathroom for about 35, 45 minutes. Somebody open up a window. Craig Jones: You call that game?
34
[Sees Mrs. Parker bending over] Pastor Clever: Lord have mercy. The Lord is my shepherd... he know what I want.
35
Craig Jones: [points across the street to Mrs. Parker] Look, look, she's bendin' over! Pastor Clever: Lord have mercy! God is my shepherd, and he knows what I want! Pastor Clever: [running across the street] Excuse me, Mrs. Parker? Mrs. Parker!
36
Craig Jones: You better get your ass off your shoulders and make that money.
37
Big Worm: Playing with my money is like playing with my emotions, Smokey.
38
Smokey: Puff puff, give. Puff puff, give. You're fuckin' up the rotation.
39
Smokey: Weed is from the earth. God put this here for me and you. Take advantage man, take advantage.
40
Smokey: You got to be a stupid motherfucker to get fired on your day off.
41
Dad: Every time I come in the kitchen, you in the kitchen in the goddamn refrigerator. Eatin' up all the food.
42
Smokey: What's up Big Perm?... I mean Big Worm.
43
Smokey: Well, I'm going into rehab. I'm through with this shit. [Hangs up phone and tokes joint in his mouth] Smokey: I was just bullshittin'. And you know this, man.
44
Smokey's mom: Smokey, get me some cigarettes. Smokey: Well, give me some money. [Smokey's mom gives Smokey a dollar] Smokey: Wait, this isn't enough. Smokey's mom: Make it enough.
45
Deebo: Come on Smoke, Stanley left his window open. Smokey: I can't I'm on probation. Deebo: Stop being a bitch and come on.
46
Joi: Well you just tell the bitch, whoever she is, when I find her I'm gonna beat her ass.
47
Big Worm: Can't have shit I'm closed, Fat Boy. Boy: Then give me my money back. Big Worm: My money. Boy: Mama.
48
[to Smokey on the phone] Big Worm: Don't make me cut ya balls off & hand 'em to ya, patna.
49
Joann: Damn, Smoke, don't be banging on the door like you the damn po-lice.
50
Big Worm: [as Craig halluncinates seeing Big Worm in the kitchen] You smoking my weed too? I gonna kill you and Smokey because you playin' with my emotions... [as Craig slams his cabinet door shut] Big Worm: You heard? Hey!
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