Lady Claire Gurney: How do you know you're God? Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: Simple. When I pray to Him, I find I am talking to myself.
2
Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: If I had only known then who I was now.
3
Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: Oh, I believe you, I just put my glasses on because I'm cold.
4
Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: Don't let me hear you answering unasked questions again.
5
Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: For what I am about to receive, may I make myself truly thankful.
6
Dr. Herder: His lordship is a paranoid schizophrenic. Sir Charles: Paranoid schizophrenic? But he's a Gurney! Dr. Herder: Then he's a paranoid schizophrenic Gurney who belives he's God. Sir Charles: But we've always been Church of England!
7
Dr. Herder: He can't forget being rejected by his mother and father at the age of 11. They sent him away, alone, into a primitve community of licensed bullies and pederasts. Sir Charles: You mean he went to public school. Dr. Herder: Exactly.
8
Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: I was only trying to do what's expected me. I recall as a sign of normalcy in our circle to slaughter anything that moves.
9
Dr. Herder: To love goodness is to love God. To love God is to love the 14th Earl of Gurney.
10
Sir Charles: What about Jack? Dr. Herder: Remember he's suffering from delusions of grandeur. In reality he's an earl, an English aristocrat, a member of the ruling class. Naturally, he's come to believe there's only one person grander than that: the Lord God Almighty Himself. Sir Charles: Are you English? Dr. Herder: No. Sir Charles: [slowly] Ah.
11
13th Earl of Gurney: Englishmen like to hear the truth about themselves.
12
Mrs. Piggot-Jones: [screams as she sees Jack's giant cross] Oh! What is it? Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: A watusi walking stick! Big people, the watusi!
13
Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: I can't marry a second time. Lady Claire Gurney: You're already married? Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: August 28, in the year of me, 1964.
14
Dr. Herder: Naturally, men aren't rats. Lady Claire Gurney: Only a man would say so.
15
Daniel Tucker: I always show respect, sir. That's what I'm paid for. [blows raspberries]
16
Sir Charles: Come, doctor, you said he needed a harsh dose of reality. Well, you can't get a harder dose of the stuff than marriage.
17
Lady Claire Gurney: My husband's an idiot. Dr. Herder: That's not my concern.
18
13th Earl of Gurney: A judge can't be unreasonable, so how can he be a lover?
19
Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: Surely you pray for love and understanding? Lady Claire Gurney: Every night ... without success.
20
Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: Your job's done, Herr Doctor. I'm adjusted. I brush my teeth twice daily and smile.
21
Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: [to Grace] I take thee, Marguerite, called Grace Shelley because she doesn't speak French, to be my wedded wife.
22
Sir Charles: Oh, my God! Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: Yes?
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