Other Titles • Last Action Hero (1993) • Der Letzte Action Held (1993)
Quotes from Last Action Hero (1993)
1
"I don't really like you. You've brought me nothing but pain."--Jack Slater (Arnold Schwarzenegger) to Arnold Schwarzenegger
2
[first lines] Dekker: This is one hell of a way to spend Christmas...
3
[Jack Slater is Hamlet] Hamlet: Hey Claudius! You killed my father! Big mistake! Narrator: Something is rotten in the state of Denmark, and Hamlet is taking out the trash. Old Man: Stay thy hand, fair prince. Hamlet: [shooting him] Who said I'm fair? Narrator: No one is going to tell this sweet prince good night. Hamlet: To be or not to be? Not to be.
4
Jack Slater: Big mistake!
5
[Dead assassin tumbles out of closet after Slater has fired into it without warning] Danny Madigan: How'd you know someone was in there? Jack Slater: There's always someone in there. It costs me a fortune in closet doors.
6
Vivaldi: What I'm saying is; Mr. Benedict can take you out as easy as cake.
7
[Danny Madigan is watching the bad guys on the screen] Danny Madigan: You are gonna pay... Oooh, you gonna pay!
8
[Frank's last words] Frank: I'm out of here...
9
[When danny comes home with Jack at 4 a.m] Danny's mom: Where have you been? The police called. You're not here. You're not there. Danny Madigan: Mom, I'm sorry, okay. Shh. Danny's mom: " Okay, shh?" There are 9 million kids out there with guns and that's all you have to say to me? "Okay, shh?" Will you get in here? Danny Madigan: Mom? You know how you always say you wish I had more friends? Well. Jack Slater: Hello Mrs. Madigan. Arnold Braunshweiger.
10
Jack Slater: Who the hell are you? Danny Madigan: Don't shoot me. I'm Danny Madigan. I'm a kid.
11
Danny Madigan: OK, I got one. What about this girl right here. She is way too attractive to be working in a video store. Jack Slater: I agree with you. I think she should be working with us... under cover of course...
12
Danny Madigan: You think you are funny, don't you? Jack Slater: I know I am. I'm the famous comedian Arnold Braunschweiger. Danny Madigan: Schwarzenegger! Jack Slater: Gesundheit.
13
Jack Slater: Could I speak to the drug dealer of the house, please?
14
Jack Slater: I'll be back! Ha! You didn't know I was gonna say that, did you? Danny Madigan: That's what you always say! Jack Slater: I do?
15
Jack Slater: Kid! Who does the doctor treat? Danny Madigan: Patients? Jack Slater: Look at the elbow of my jacket. What is it doing? Danny Madigan: Wearing thin? Jack Slater: Bingo!
16
[Danny Madigan was just kissed by Whitney Slater] Danny Madigan: From now on it's all gonna be downhill...
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Whitney Slater: FREEZE! Lose the guns or I redecorate in brain-matter grey, got it?
18
Danny Madigan: Chicken it is...
19
Danny Madigan: ...I though I was going to die. Jack Slater: Well I'm sorry to disappoint you but you're gonna live to enjoy all the glorious fruits life has got to offer - acne, shaving, premature ejaculation... and your first divorce.
20
Jack Slater: And Whitney! Why can't she be like every other teenager. For prom night she stayed home and field stripped an AK-47.
21
[Jack Slater realizes that a nerve gas bomb is hidden in Leo "the Fart"'s body] Jack Slater: Leo "the Fart" is gonna pass gas one more time.
22
Vivaldi: Mr. Torelli. I hope it's all right with you I am here. I don't wanna be no fourth wheel...
23
Vivaldi: You've had Slater in front of the eight ball before, but you always screwed it up.
24
[repeated line] Dekker: Slater!
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Jack Slater: Stop shouting! I'm not deaf!
26
Jack Slater: I don't care who does what to your Hershey highway!
27
[the nervgasbomb goes of in the tar-pit] Jack Slater: Silent but deadly!
28
Benedict: If God was a villain, he would have been me.
29
[Jack Slater throws Benedict against a wall, and both Benedict and his servant disappears through it] Jack Slater: Usually when I do that it leaves a hole...
30
Nick: There are lots of things worse than movies: politicians, wars, forest fires, famine, plague, sickness, pain, whores, politicians... Jack Slater: You already mentioned them. Nick: I know I did. They are twice as bad as anything else.
31
James Belushi: I'm not really a big fan of Arnold's... She is, you know... Arnold really turns her on and I just want to be there when it happens.
32
Frank: We mostly talk muzzle velocities. Guns.
33
Benedict: Gentlemen. Since you are about to die anyway, I may as well tell you the entire plot. Think of villains Jack. You want Dracula? Dra-cool-la? Hang on [takes out the ticket] Benedict: , I'll fetch him. Dracula? Huh. I can get King Kong! We'll have a nightmare with Freddy Krueger, have a surprize party for Adolf Hitler, Hannibal Lecter can do the catering, and then we'll have christening for Rosemary's Baby! All I have to do is snap my fingers and they'll be here. They're lining up to get here, and do you know why Jack? Should I tell you why? Hmm? Because here, in this world, the bad guys can win!
34
Jack Slater: Here's another explosion for your movie, kid.
35
Tony Vivaldi: What is this, Benedict? First you're my friend; now you turn a... 360 on me! Benedict: 180, you stupid, spaghetti-slurping cretin - *180*! If I did a 360, I'd go completely around and end up back where I started! Tony Vivaldi: What? Benedict: Trust me! [shoots him]
36
Jack Slater: You wanna be a farmer? Here's a couple of acres!
37
Jack Slater: Look! Elephant!
38
Jack Slater: We're that close in catching him. Danny Madigan: No, Jack. We're that close to catching pneumonia.
39
Benedict: I wonder if you could help me? Mechanic: Sure, what do ya need?. Benedict: Well... [benedict shoots him. He listens for a while, then shouts] Benedict: I have just shot someone, I did it on purpose. [listens some more, still nothing] Benedict: I said, I have just killed a man and I wish to confess! [listens some more, someone tells him to shut up. He looks pleased]
40
Jack Slater: I think the taxis are bulletproof.
41
Dekker: And you promised me you wouldn't tell! Jack Slater: I didn't. Dekker: Well, then how did he know? Danny Madigan: "Jack Slater I". Dekker: What's winning got to do with this? Danny Madigan: No. The very first "Jack Slater". Dekker: [to Jack] You told your dad? Jack Slater: I didn't tell anybody! I don't even know this kid! Dekker: Well, he sure seems to know a lot about us.
42
[Playing "Chicken" riding a bike] Danny Madigan: This is gonna work. It's a movie, I'm a good guy. This has got to work! [Danny thinks again] Danny Madigan: I'm a comedy sidekick. Oh, shit! I'm a comedy sidekick! IT'S NOT GONNA WORK!
43
[after seeing a "Terminator 2" poster with Sylvester Stallone] Danny Madigan: No. It's not possible! Jack Slater: What's not possible? The man is an artist. It's his best performance ever! Danny Madigan: But... that was you! YOU were in that movie! [a girl close-by hears them] Girl: [to Jack] You were in a movie? Jack Slater: Yes. It was called "The Girl of My Dreams". It starred you. As a matter of fact, there was this very romantic scene where we had dinner together.
44
John Practice: How do you get to Carnegie Hall? Jack Slater: By practice. John Practice!
45
Jack Slater: Sir, are you a henchman? Benedict: No, I only go as far as lackey.
46
Benedict: Here, in this world, the bad guys can win!
47
Death: I don't do fiction. Not my field.
48
Danny Madigan: Where are the ordinary, everyday women? They don't exist because this is a movie! Jack Slater: No, this is California.
49
Jack Slater: Did you make a movie mistake? You forgot to reload the damn gun. Benedict: No, Jack. I just left one chamber empty.
50
Jack Slater: Let's say this is a movie. How many times have you heard someone say, "stay in the car," and the guy doesn't? What happens? Danny Madigan: He saves the day. Jack Slater: Or, gets killed!
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