Mr. Pink: Why am I Mr. Pink? Joe: 'Cause you're a faggot, all right?
(44 votes)
3
Mr. Pink: I don't wanna kill anybody. But if I gotta get out that door, and you're standing in my way, one way or the other, you're gettin' outta my way.
Marvin: I already told you I don't know anything about any fucking setup; you can torture me all you want. Mr. Blonde: Torture you? That's a good idea. I like that.
(5 votes)
7
Mr. Pink: I'm very sorry the government taxes their tips, that's fucked up. That ain't my fault. It would seem to me that waitresses are one of the many groups the government fucks in the ass on a regular basis. Look, if you ask me to sign something that says the government shouldn't do that, I'll sign it, put it to a vote, I'll vote for it, but what I won't do is play ball. And as for this non-college bullshit I got two words for that: learn to fuckin' type, 'cause if you're expecting me to help out with the rent you're in for a big fuckin' surprise.
(4 votes)
8
[Mr. White and Mr. Pink are washing up after the robbery went sour, trying to figure out what happened] Mr. Pink: You kill anybody? Mr. White: A few cops. Mr. Pink: No real people? Mr. White: Just cops.
(4 votes)
9
"Someone's trying to stick a red-hot poker up our ass, and I'm trying to see whose name's on the handle!"--Mr. Pink (Steve Buscemi) to fellow set-up thieves Mr. White (Harvey Keitel) and Mr. Blonde (Michael Madsen)
(7 votes)
10
Joe: So, you guys like to tell jokes, huh? Gigglin' and laughin' like a bunch of young broads sittin' in a schoolyard. Well, let me tell a joke. Four guys, sittin' in a bullpen, in San Quentin. All wondering how the fuck they got there. What should we have done, what didn't we do, who's fault is it, is it my fault, your fault, his fault, all that bullshit. Then one of them says, hey. Wait a minute. When we were planning this caper, all we did was sit around tellin' fuckin' jokes! Get the message? Boys, I don't mean to holler at ya. When this caper's over - and I'm sure it'll be a successful one - we'll get down to the Cayman Islands, hell, I'll roll and laugh with all of ya. You'll find me a different character down there. Right now, it's a matter of business.
(2 votes)
11
Joe: This man set us up. Nice Guy Eddie: Dad, I'm sorry, but I don't know what the hell's happening. Joe: It's all right, Eddie. I do. Mr. White: What the fuck are you talking about? Joe: That lump of shit's working with the L.A.P.D. Mr. Orange: Joe, I don't have the slightest fucking idea what you're talking about. Mr. White: Joe, I don't know what you think you know, but you're wrong. Joe: Like hell I am. Mr. White: Joe, trust me on this. You've made a mistake. He's a good kid. I understand. You're hot, you're super fucking pissed. We're all real emotional. But you're barking up the wrong tree. I know this man. He wouldn't do that. Joe: You don't know jack shit! I do! The cocksucker tipped off the cops and had Mr. Brown and Mr. Blue killed. Mr. Pink: Mr. Blue is dead? Joe: Dead as Dillinger. Mr. White: How do you know all this? Joe: He was the only one I wasn't 100% on. I should have my fuckin' head examined, going on a plan like this when I wasn't 100%. Mr. White: [shouting] That's your proof? Joe: You don't need proof when you have instinct.
(2 votes)
12
Mr. Orange: What happens if the manager won't give you the diamonds? Mr. White: When you're dealing with a store like this, they're insured up the ass. They're not supposed to give you any resistance whatsoever. If you get a customer, or an employee, who thinks he's Charles Bronson, take the butt of your gun and smash their nose in. Everybody jumps. He falls down screaming, blood squirts out of his nose, nobody says fucking shit after that. You might get some bitch talk shit to you, but give her a look like you're gonna smash her in the face next, watch her shut the fuck up. Now if it's a manager, that's a different story. Managers know better than to fuck around, so if you get one that's giving you static, he probably thinks he's a real cowboy, so you gotta break that son of a bitch in two. If you wanna know something and he won't tell you, cut off one of his fingers. The little one. Then tell him his thumb's next. After that he'll tell you if he wears ladies underwear. I'm hungry. Let's get a taco.
(2 votes)
13
Mr. Blonde: Listen kid, I'm not gonna bullshit you, all right? I don't give a good fuck what you know, or don't know, but I'm gonna torture you anyway, regardless. Not to get information. It's amusing, to me, to torture a cop. You can say anything you want cause I've heard it all before. All you can do is pray for a quick death, which you ain't gonna get. [He removes his razor] Mr. Blonde: You ever listen to K-Billy's "Super Sounds of the Seventies" weekend? It's my personal favorite.
(2 votes)
14
Nice Guy Eddie: C'mon, throw in a buck! Mr. Pink: Uh-uh, I don't tip. Nice Guy Eddie: You don't tip? Mr. Pink: Nah, I don't believe in it. Nice Guy Eddie: You don't believe in tipping? Mr. Blue: You know what these chicks make? They make shit. Mr. Pink: Don't give me that. She don't make enough money that she can quit. Nice Guy Eddie: I don't even know a fucking Jew who'd have the balls to say that. Let me get this straight: you don't ever tip? Mr. Pink: I don't tip because society says I have to. All right, if someone deserves a tip, if they really put forth an effort, I'll give them something a little something extra. But this tipping automatically, it's for the birds. As far as I'm concerned, they're just doing their job. Mr. Blue: Hey, our girl was nice. Mr. Pink: She was okay. She wasn't anything special. Mr. Blue: What's special? Take you in the back and suck your dick? Nice Guy Eddie: I'd go over twelve percent for that.
(2 votes)
15
Nice Guy Eddie: Let me say this out loud, 'cause I wanna get it straight in my head. You're saying that Mr. Blonde was gonna kill you, then when we got back, he was going kill us, take the satchel of diamonds, and scram. I'm right about that, right? That's correct? That's your story? Mr. Orange: I swear on my mother's eternal soul that's what happened. Nice Guy Eddie: The man you just killed was just released from prison. He got caught at a company warehouse full of hot items. He could've fuckin' walked. All he had to do was say my dad's name, but he didn't; he kept his fucking mouth shut. And did his fuckin' time, and he did it like a man. He did four years for us. So, Mr. Orange, you're tellin' me this very good friend of mine, who did four years for my father, who in four years never made a deal, no matter what they dangled in front of him, you're telling me that now, that now this man is free, and we're making good on our commitment to him, he's just gonna decide, out of the fucking blue, to rip us off? Why don't you tell me what really happened? Joe: [walks in] What the hell for? It'd just be more bullshit.
(2 votes)
16
Mr. Blonde: Are you gonna bark all day, little doggy, or are you gonna bite? Mr. White: What was that? I'm sorry, I didn't catch it. Would you repeat it? Mr. Blonde: Are you gonna bark all day, little doggy, or are you gonna bite?
(2 votes)
17
Nice Guy Eddie: If you fucking beat this prick long enough, he'll tell you he started the goddamn Chicago fire, now that don't necessarily make it fucking so!
(2 votes)
18
Mr. White: Smoke? Mr. Pink: I quit. [later] Mr. Pink: What, you got one?
19
Nice Guy Eddie: Did you see that daddy? Guy got me on the ground and he tried to fuck me. Mr. Blonde: You wish. Nice Guy Eddie: Listen Vic, I don't mind what you do, but don't try to fuck me in my father's office, I don't think of you that way. I like you a lot man, but I don't think of you that way. Mr. Blonde: Eddie, if I was a butt cowboy, I wouldn't even throw you to the posse. Nice Guy Eddie: Of course not, you'd keep me for yourself, you sick bastard. Four years of fuckin' punks up the ass you'd appreciate a piece of prime rib when you see one.
20
Mr. White: If you shoot this man, you die next. Repeat. If you shoot this man, you die next.
21
Mr. Brown: O.K., let me tell you what Like a Virgin's about. It's all about this cooze who's a regular fuck machine, I'm talking morning, day, night, afternoon, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick. Mr. Blue: How many dicks is that? Mr. White: A lot. Mr. Brown: Then one day she meets this John Holmes motherfucker and it's like, whoa baby, I mean this cat is like Charles Bronson in the Great Escape, he's digging tunnels. Now, she's gettin' the serious dick action and she's feeling something she ain't felt since forever. Pain. Pain. It hurts her. It shouldn't hurt her, you know her pussy should be Bubble Yum by now, but when this cat fucks her it hurts. It hurts just like it did the first time. You see the pain is reminding a fuck machine what it once was like to be a virgin. Hence, "Like a virgin."
22
Mr. Blonde: Was that as good for you as it was for me?
23
Mr. Blonde: Listen, I appreciate what, you guys are doin' for me, but I was wonderin' when I can come back and, you know, do some real work. Joe: Well, that's hard to say, It's kind of a strange time now. Things are a little... Nice Guy Eddie: They're a little fucked-up is what they are. Listen we got a big meetin' goin' down in Vegas right now. Joe: Just let Eddie for now set you up in Long Beach, get you some cash, Get this Scagnetti fuck off your back, and then we can start talkin' okay? Huh? Nice Guy Eddie: Listen daddy, I got an idea. Now just, hear me out. Now, I know you don't like usin' the boys on jobs like these, but Vic has been nothin' but good luck for us. The guy's a fuckin' rabbits foot for cryin' out loud. I'd like to have him in. You know he's reliable and you damn well know trust him. Joe: [pause] How would you feel about pulling off a job with about five other guys? Mr. Blonde: I'd feel great about it.
24
Nice Guy Eddie: Yeah I'm sorry, I should have picked you up myself. This whole week has been fucked up, I've had my head up my ass the whole time. Mr. Blonde: You know, that's funny, 'cause that's what me and you dad were just talkin' about. Nice Guy Eddie: Yeah, I know man, I should have picked you up myself, I'm sorry. Mr. Blonde: No, that you got your head up your ass. I mean I walked in here and Joe's like, Vic, thank god you're back. My son Eddie's a fuck-up. I love him, but he's ruining the business. I mean that's what you said, right Joe? I'm not makin' this up. Joe: I'm sorry you had to hear it like this Eddie. Vic asked me how business was, and you can't lie to a man who's done time for you. Nice Guy Eddie: "That's very true." [He and Vic get into a wrestling contest]
25
Mr. Orange: This is a very weird situation. 'Cause I don't know if you remember back in '86 there was a major fucking drought. Nobody had anything. People were living on resin... -smoking the wood in their pipes for months. This chick had a bunch. And she's begging me to sell it. So I told her I wasn't going to be Joe the potman anymore, but I would take a little bit and sell it to my close, close, close friends. She agreed to that, said we'd keep the same arrangement as before; 10%, free pot for me, as long as I helped her out that weekend. She had a brick of weed she was selling, she didn't want to go to the buy alone. Her brother usually goes with her, but he's in county unexpectedly. Mr. White: What for? Mr. Orange: His traffic tickets. Got a warrant. They stopped him for something, found warrants on him, took him to county. Now she doesn't walk around alone with all that weed. I don't want to do this. I have a very bad feeling about it. But she keeps asking me, keeps asking me, keeps asking me, finally I said OK 'cause I'm sick of hearing it. Now, we're picking the guy up at the train station... Nice Guy Eddie: Wait a minute. You go to the train station to pick up the buyer with the weed on you? Mr. Orange: The guy needed it right away. Don't ask me why. Anyway, we're get to the station and we're waiting for the guy. I'm carrying the weed in one of those little carry-on bags. I got to take a piss. So I tell the connection I'll be right back, I'm going to the boys' room. So I walk in the mens' room, and who's standing there? Four Los Angeles county sheriffs and a German shepherd. Nice Guy Eddie: They're waiting for you? Mr. Orange: No, they're just a bunch of cops hanging out in the men's room, talking. When I walked through the door, they all stopped what they were talking about and they looked at me. Mr. White: [laughs] That's hard, man. That's a fucking hard situation. Mr. Orange: German shepherd starts barking. He's barking at me. I mean, it's obvious. He's barking at me. Every nerve-ending, all my senses, blood in my veins, everything I have is screaming, "Take off, man! Just bail, just get the fuck out of there!" Panic hits me like a bucket of water. First there's the shock of it... -BAM!... -right in the face. I'm standing there drenched in panic. All these sheriffs looking at me, and they know, man. They can smell it. Sure as that fucking dog can, they can smell it on me.
26
Joe: All right ramblers, let's get rambling!
27
[Mr. Pink comes and sees that Mr. Orange is shot in the stomach] Mr. Pink: Is it bad? Mr. White: As opposed to good?
28
Mr. Brown: Mr. Brown? That sounds too much like Mr. Shit.
29
Mr. Pink: How about if I'm Mr. Purple? That sounds good to me, I'll be Mr. Purple. Joe: You're not Mr. Purple. Some guy on some other job is Mr. Purple. You're Mr. Pink! Mr. White: Who cares what your name is? Mr. Pink: Yeah that's easy for you to say, you're Mr. White, you have a cool sounding name. All right look if it's no big deal to be Mr. Pink, do you wanna trade?
30
Mr. White: Hardy fuckin' har.
31
Mr. Pink: Somebody's shoved a red-hot poker up our ass, and I want to know whose name is on the handle!
32
Mr. Blonde: Eddie, if you don't stop talking like a bitch, I'm gonna slap you like a bitch.
33
Mr. Blonde: Boy that was really exciting. I bet you're a big Lee Marvin fan aren't ya. Yeah me too. I love that guy. My heart's beatin' so fast I'm about to have a heart attack.
34
Mr. Blonde: Hey Joe, you want me to shoot this guy? Mr. White: [laughs] Shit... You shoot me in a dream, you better wake up and apologize.
35
Mr. White: The choice between doing ten years and taking out some stupid motherfucker, ain't no choice at all. But I ain't no madman.
36
Nice Guy Eddie: Ain't that a sad sight, Daddy, the man walks in the prison a white man, walks out talkin' like a fuckin' nigger. You know what, I think it's all that black semen been pumped up your ass so far, now it's backed into your fuckin brain, and it's coming out your mouth!
37
[Nice Guy Eddie asks if anyone knows what happened to Mr. Blue] Mr. Blonde: Either he's alive or he's dead, or the cops got him... or they don't.
38
Mr. Pink: Look, I ordered coffee. Now we've been here a long fucking time and she's only filled my cup three times. When I order coffee, I want it filled *six* times. Mr. Blonde: Six times. Well, what if she's too fucking busy? Mr. Pink: The words "too fucking busy" shouldn't be in a waitress's vocabulary. Nice Guy Eddie: Excuse me, Mr. Pink, but I think the last fucking thing you need is another cup of coffee.
39
Mr. White: You can't leave this guy with them. Nice Guy Eddie: Why not? Mr. White: Because he's a fucking psycho. And if you think Joe's pissed off, that ain't nothing compared to how pissed off I am at him, for putting me in the same room as that bastard! Mr. Blonde: See what I've been putting up with, Eddie? I fucking walked in here, I told these guys about staying put. Mr. White whips out his gun, he's sticking it in my face, calling me a motherfucker, saying he's gonna blow me away and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
40
[after hearing Orange's smuggling story] Joe: Only one thing to do in that case: shit in yer pants an' dive in and swim!
41
Mr. Pink: He seems okay now, but he was crazy in the store. Mr. White: This is what he was doing. [Mimics randomly shooting innocent bystanders] Mr. White: Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam. Mr. Blonde: Yeah, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. I told 'em not to touch the alarm, they touched it. If they hadn't done what I told 'em not to do, they'd still be aliv. Mr. White: [clapping] My fucking hero. Mr. Blonde: Thanks. Mr. White: That's your excuse for going on a kill-crazy rampage? Mr. Blonde: I don't like alarms, Mr. White.
42
Mr. Pink: [walks in] Was that a fucking set up or what? [sees a bloodied Mr. Orange lying on the floor] Mr. Pink: Shit! Orange got tagged? Mr. White: Gut shot. Mr. Pink: Fuck! Where's, uh, Brown? Mr. White: Dead. Mr. Pink: How'd he die? Mr. White: How the fuck do you think? The cops shot him. Mr. Pink: This is bad. This is so fucking bad. Is it bad? Mr. White: As opposed to good? Mr. Pink: Man, this is fucked up. This is so fucked up. Somebody fucked us up big time, man. Mr. White: You really think we were set up? Mr. Pink: Do you even doubt it, man? I don't THINK we got set up, I KNOW we got set up! I mean, really, seriously, where did all those cops come from, huh? One minute they're not there, the next minute they're there? I didn't hear any sirens. The alarm went off, okay. Okay, when an alarm goes off, you got an average of four minutes response time. Unless a patrol car is cruising that street, at that particular moment, you got four minutes before they can realistically respond. In one minute there were seventeen blue boys out there. All loaded for bear, all knowing exactly what the fuck they were doing, and they were all just there! Remember that second wave that showed up in the cars? Those were the ones responding to the alarm, but those first motherfuckers were already there, they were waiting for us. Haven't you fucking thought about this?
43
[the shot Mr. Orange knows some things about Mr. White] Mr. White: Well, he knows a little about me. Mr. Pink: You didn't tell him your name, did you? Mr. White: I told him my first name, and where I'm from. Mr. Pink: Why? Mr. White: I told him where I was from a few days ago. It was just a casual conversation. Mr. Pink: And what was tellin' him your name when you weren't supposed to? Mr. White: He asked. [pause] Mr. White: We had just gotten away from the cops. He just got shot. It was my fuckin' fault he got shot. He's a fuckin' bloody mess - he's screaming. I swear to god, I thought he was gonna die right then and there. I'm tryin' to comfort him, tellin' him not to worry, he's gonna be okay, I'm gonna take care of him. And he asked me what my name was. I mean, the man was dyin' in my arms. What the fuck was I supposed to tell him? "Sorry, I can't give out that information! It's against the rules! I don't trust you enough!"
44
Joe: Cough up a buck you cheap bastard.
45
Mr. Pink: I wanna find out who the bad guy is.
46
[Mr. Blonde has cut off Marvin's ear and begins talking into it] Mr. Blonde: Hey what's goin' on? Can you hear that?
47
Mr. White: What, did you forget your French fries, to go with the soda?
48
Mr. White: Fuck you Maniac!
49
Mr. Pink: Where's the commode in this dungeon? I gotta take a squirt.
50
Nice Guy Eddie: Larry, stop pointin' that fuckin' gun at my Dad!
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