Other Titles • Batman Returns • Batmans Rückkehr (1992)
Quotes from Batman Returns (1992)
1
Ice Princess: The tree lights up, I press the button... No wait, I press the button and...
(3 votes)
2
[Shreck shoots Batman] Selina Kyle: You killed me... The Penguin killed me... Batman killed me... That's seven lives left. You got enough to finish me off? Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: There's only one way to find out. [Shreck fires two shots at Catwoman] Selina Kyle: Four... Five... Still alive! [Catwoman cracks her whip and Shreck fires two more] Selina Kyle: Six... Seven... All good girls go to heaven... [she is now within reaching distance of Shreck, he pulls the trigger at her stomach, she gasps, but there are no bullets left. She then laughs hysterically] Selina Kyle: I think I'm going to save one for next Christmas... In the mean time, how 'bout a kiss Anti Claus... [Grabs hold of a power cable and moves towards Shreck with a stun gun and a kiss]
(1 vote)
3
The Penguin: They wouldn't put me on a pedestal, so I'm layin' them out on a slab!
4
Bruce Wayne: Merry Christmas, Alfred. Good will towards men... and women.
5
The Penguin: Just relax. I'll take care of the squealing, wretched, pinhead puppets of Gotham!
6
Selina Kyle: Ok, Intimidate me, bully me if it makes you feel big. I mean it's not like you can just kill me... Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Actually, it's a lot like that.
7
[seeing Bruce Wayne in a tuxedo at a masquerade party] Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Let me guess... trust fund goody-goody?
8
[Catwoman just knocked the guns out of two security guards' hands] Guard 2: Don't hurt us, lady. Our take-home is less than $300! Catwoman: You're overpaid.
9
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Selina! Selina Kyle, you're fired! And Bruce Wayne, why are you dressed up like Batman? Catwoman: Because he *is* Batman, you moron! Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Was. [shoots Batman]
10
The Penguin: You don't really think you'll win... do you?
11
[Catwoman is hit] Catwoman: How could you? I'm a woman. Batman: I'm sorry, I... [Batman is hit] Catwoman: As I was saying, I'm a woman and can't be taken for granted. Life's a bitch, now so am I.
12
Volunteer Bimbo: You're the coolest role-model a young person could have! The Penguin: And you're the hottest young person a role-model could have.
13
The Penguin: Ah, shit, I grabbed a cute one. [discards umbrella]
14
The Penguin: The heat is getting to me, I'll kill you momentarily.
15
Catwoman: You're the second man who killed me this week. But I've got seven lives left.
16
Selina Kyle: Oh god... does this mean we have to start fighting now?
17
[the Batmobile is evading the police. Batman flips a switch on the control panel, and nothing happens] Batman: That's funny. [Flips switch again. Nothing happens] Batman: Alright, NOW I'm a little worried. [Slaps control panel; Batmobile morphs into the Batmissile]
18
The Penguin: You didn't invite me, so I CRASHED!
19
The Penguin: Check it out. We're going to disassemble the Batmobile - turn it into an H-bomb on wheels. Catwoman: No, he'd have even more power as a martyr. To destroy Batman, we have to turn him into what he hates the most. Namely us.
20
Alfred: Let's not forget the repair of the Batmobile. It's not like we can take it to any old "Joe's bodyshop, " now is it, sir? There's certain security to consider. Bruce Wayne: Security? Who let Vicki Vale into the Batcave? I'm sitting there working; I turn around, there she is. "Oh hi, Vick - come on in."
21
The Penguin: Burn baby, burn!
22
Catwoman: Not even in office yet and already an enemies list, hmm? The Penguin: Those names aren't for prying eyes. Say, why should I trust some cat-broad, anyway? Maybe you're just some screwed-up sorority chick who's trying to get back at her daddy for not buying her that pony when she turned sweet sixteen.
23
[plotting against Batman] Catwoman: Batman napalmed my arm, and knocked me off a building just when i was starting to feel good about myself. I want to play an integral part in his degradation. The Penguin: A plan is forming. Catwoman: I want in. The thought of busting Batman makes me feel all... dirty. I think I'll give myself a bath right here. [licks herself in a cat-like manner]
24
Commissioner Gordon: Thanks for the saving the day, Batman. I'm afraid the circus gang is back. Batman: We'll see.
25
Selina Kyle: It's gonna be a hot time in a cold town tonight. Bruce Wayne: You've got sort of a dark side, don't you? Selina Kyle: No darker than yours, Bruce.
26
The Penguin: [to a crowd of voters] I may have saved the mayor's baby, but I refuse to save a mayor who stood by helpless AS A BABY, while Gotham City was ravaged by a disease. A disease that turned eagle scouts into crazed clowns and happy homemakers into catwomen!
27
[crouched atop a dazed Batman] Catwoman: You're catnip to a girl like me. Handsome, dazed, and to die for. Your the sencond man who killed me this week, but I've got 7 lives left. Batman: I tried to save you. Catwoman: Mmm seems like every woman you try to save winds up dead... or deeply resentful. Maybe it's time for you to retire.
28
Catwoman: We need to talk. You see, you and I have something in common. The Penguin: Sounds familiar. Appetite for destruction? Contempt for the czars of fashion? Wait, don't tell me... naked sexual charisma. Catwoman: Batman. The thorn in both our sides. The fly in our ointment. The Penguin: Ointment! Scented or unscented?
29
Bruce Wayne: The point is, Max, Gotham City has a power surplus. I'm sure you know that. My question is: what's your angle? Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Power surplus? Bruce, shame on you. No such thing. One can never have too much power. If my life has a meaning, that's demeaning. Bruce Wayne: Yeah, well... I'm gonna fight you on this. I've already spoken to the mayor and we see eye to eye. Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Mayors come and go. Blue bloods tire easy. You think you can go fifteen rounds with Muhammed Shreck? Bruce Wayne: I guess we're about to find out. Of course, I don't have a crime boss like Cobblepot in my corner, so... Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Crime boss? Shows what you know, mister... to the man born with a silver spoon in his mouth. Oswald is Gotham's new golden boy. If his parents hadn't eighty-sixed him, you two might've been bunkies in prep school!
30
The Penguin: By the way, how's Fred Atkins, your old partner? Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Fred? I believe he's... on extended vacation. He's good. The Penguin: Good? [Penguin takes out a severed hand] The Penguin: Hi, Max! Remember me? I'm Fred's hand! You wanna greet any other body parts? Remember, Max. You flush it. I flaunt it.
31
Catwoman: Please. I wouldn't touch you to scratch you.
32
Catwoman: Oh... I would love to live with you in your castle forever... like in a fairy tale... [Batman caresses the back of her head] Catwoman: [she claws Batman on the cheek] But I just couldn't live with myself, so don't pretend this is a happy ending!
33
The Penguin: Bats with wings do your thing.
34
Catwoman: [after Max shreck shoots her twice] Four, five still alive! Catwoman: [he shoots her twice again] Six, Seven all good girls go to heaven
35
The Penguin: Actually, this is all just a bad dream. You're at home, in bed, heavily sedated, resting comfortably, dying from the carcinogens you personally spewed in a lifetime of profiteering. Tragic irony or poetic justice, you tell me.
36
The Penguin: Why does somebody always bring eggs and tomatoes to a speech.
37
The Penguin: What you hide, I discover. What you put in your toilet, I place on my mantle. Get the picture?
38
The Penguin: [spinning an umbrella with hypnotic swirls painted on] What you hide, I discover. What you put in your toilet, I place on my mantle. Get the picture? Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: What's that supposed to do? Hypnotize me? The Penguin: No, just give you a splitting headache. Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Well, it isn't working. The Penguin: [shoots Max] Ah, you big baby, just blanks.
39
Alfred: Why are you still up? Are you concerned about that strange, heroic Penguin person? Batman: I think he knows who his parents are. There's something else.
40
Catwoman: [falling into an open gravel filled truck] Saved by kitty litter. How humiliating.
41
Bruce Wayne: You know what, I mistook me for someone else.
42
Bruce Wayne: [notices Selina's injuries] What happened? Maximillian 'Max' Shreck: Did you injure yourself on that ski slope? Is that why you cut short your vacation and came back? Selina Kyle: You know, it's... a blur. I mean, not complete amnesia. I-I-I remember Sister Mary Margaret puking in church and Betsy Riley saying it was morning sickness and I remember the time when I forgot to wear my underpants to school and the name of the boy who noticed was Ricky Friedberg. [smile vanishes] Selina Kyle: He's dead now. But last night... complete blur. Couldn't you just die?
43
Jen: Research tells us that it's people like mayors that have hands.
44
The Penguin: It could be worse! My nose could be gushing blood! [they all begin to laugh hysterically] Josh: Wait a minute, what do you mean it could be worse...? [Penguin bites Josh's nose and it gushes blood] Jen: Oh, my God!
45
The Penguin: [on the Batmobile's TV screen] Don't adjust your sets. Welcome to the Oswald Cobblepot school of driving. Gentlemen, start your screaming!
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