[talking to his fish] Bob Wiley: Good morning Gil. I said good morning, Gil.
(16 votes)
2
Bob Wiley: Baby step to four o'clock. Baby step to four o'clock.
(15 votes)
3
Bob Wiley: I see salt and I see pepper, but I don't see a salt substitute.
(15 votes)
4
Dr. Leo Marvin: You think he's gone? He's not gone. That's the whole point! He's never gone! [Leo opens the door; there's Bob] Bob Wiley: Is this some radical new therapy? Dr. Leo Marvin: YOU SEE?
(15 votes)
5
Bob Wiley: You ever hear of Tourette's syndrome? Involuntarily shouting out profanities? Dr. Leo Marvin: It's exceptionally rare. Bob Wiley: Shit-eating son-of-a-bitch... bastard, douche-bag, twat, numb-nuts, dickhead! Dr. Leo Marvin: Why exactly are you doing this? Bob Wiley: Well, if I fake it then I don't have it.
(15 votes)
6
Dr. Leo Marvin: All's I want is some peace and quiet! Bob Wiley: Okay I'll be quiet. Siggy: And I'll be peace!
7
Bob Wiley: what if I'm looking for a bathroom, I can't find one... and my bladder explodes?
8
Bob Wiley: There are two types of people in this world: those who like Neil Diamond and those who don't.
9
Dr. Leo Marvin: Are you married? Bob Wiley: I'm divorced. Dr. Leo Marvin: Would you like to talk about that? Bob Wiley: There are two types of people in this world: Those who like Neil Diamond, and those who don't. My ex-wife loves him.
10
[Leo is strapping a bomb to Bob] Dr. Leo Marvin: This is black powder, Bob. A teaspoon of it can blow up a tree stump. Bob Wiley: How much you got there? Dr. Leo Marvin: Twenty pounds.
11
Dr. Leo Marvin: You understand right? There's no other solution. You won't go away. Bob Wiley: Yes I will. Dr. Leo Marvin: No you won't. You're just saying you will, so that when I don't kill you, you'll show up again and make everyone else in my life think you are wonderful and I'm a shmuck. But I'm not a shmuck Bob, and I'm not going to let you breeze into town and steal my family away just because you're crazy enough to be fun.
12
Bob Wiley: What are you doing with the gun, Dr. Marvin? Dr. Leo Marvin: Death Therapy, Bob. It's a guaranteed cure.
13
Bob Wiley: Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic and so am I.
14
Bob Wiley: Dr. Marvin, I'M SAILING! Dr. Leo Marvin: That's good, KEEP SAILING BOB!
15
Bob Wiley: [to man on bus] Hi. I'm Bob. Would you knock me out, please? Just hit me in the face.
16
Bob Wiley: ...baby steps get on the elevator... baby steps get on the elevator... Ah, I'm on the elevator. [Doors close] Bob Wiley: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
17
Mr. Guttman: Hello, Dr. Marvin. The house looks nice. Mrs. Guttman: Burn in hell, Dr. Marvin!
18
[Leo is splattered with mud by a passing car] Dr. Leo Marvin: Son of a bitch and BOB!
19
Dr. Leo Marvin: Hahaha, Monday we'll eat Gil and Tuesday Bob.
20
Siggy: I mean, my dad just dropped me in the water. He let me go with no warning. I mean, I nearly drowned. My whole life passed before my eyes. Bob Wiley: You're lucky you're only 12. Siggy: It was still grim.
21
Dr. Leo Marvin: Why are you always wearing black? What is it with you and this death fixation? Siggy: Maybe I'm in mourning for my lost childhood.
22
Dr. Tomsky: If you want to get rid of Bob, just tell him you won't treat him anymore. Dr. Leo Marvin: Catherine that's easy for you to say. The man is human crazy glue! Dr. Tomsky: You should've never let him sleep in your pajamas Leo. Dr. Leo Marvin: I can't believe that I'm hearing this! Dr. Tomsky: Relax Leo. Dr. Leo Marvin: I'M RELAXED! Dr. Tomsky: Take a vacation. Dr. Leo Marvin: I'M ON VACATION!
23
Bob Wiley: Excuse me Phil, but with these particular symptoms, is Prozac the right choice? Lily Marvin: You think Prozac is a mistake? Bob Wiley: Well, with this kind of manic episode, I would think Librium might be a more effective management tool. Phil: You could be right. I'll rewrite the prescription.
24
Bob Wiley: [riding in Leo's car, speaking as Leo drives] It was an interesting morning, fruitful. But it lacked the intensity that you and I generate together, the sparks that we get one-on-one. We just gotta figure out a way to work around your schedule. Could we work afternoons? 2:00 to 4:00? 3:00 to 5:00? Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday? Dr. Leo Marvin: AHHHHHH! [slams the brakes, gets out of the car, walks around, and opens Bob's door] Bob Wiley: Are you saying you'd rather work mornings? Dr. Leo Marvin: [nearly incomprehensible] GET OUTTA THE CAR!
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